Ugh.

When I have something to say I have no time to write and when I have time to write I have nothing to say. In the New Year I pledge to write more things down so that I don't lose track of all the wonderful milestones we are experiencing with Airlie. Yeah right like that will actually happen!!!

Pumpkin Patch!

Favorite Aunt Cori and Airlie



The fam





Airlie and her sea of pumpkins

Yummy, pumpkins!

Hiya!

Too cute for words!

We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend! Wes's sister Cori is here visiting us this week and we had a fun weekend hanging out with her. We went downtown and walked around, had some yummy cinnamon lattes at PCJ and then headed over to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin. It's really nice having Cori here and we wish she lived closer than Pittsburgh! She adores Airlie and it is so sweet to see them together. She brought Airlie some super cute gifts; some personalized onesies, some fat little books, and the most adorable pumpkin hat ever shown in the photos above that she knitted for Airlie! It was definitely fall like weather this weekend here and that little wool hat came in handy. Airlie was a champ at the pumpkin patch and we managed to take a ridiculous amount of photos. We also had a photo shoot with my friend Tiffany who is a photographer. You can see a sample of the photos here, http://tcophotography.blogspot.com/.

A good time was had by all. :) Can't wait to visit Aunt Cori in Pittsburgh when Airlie is big enough to enjoy the museums, etc. and of course go to Fuel and Fuddle!

Changes in latitudes, Changes in attitudes..

"If I wasn't crazy I would go insane."

Jimmy Buffett had it right when he wrote that lyric. Lately I feel as soon as I get my life in order, I get used to something, my life begins to feel routine, then poof, everything changes! That is exactly what recently happened and I'm trying hard not to let it throw me off course! The big change in our life is Wes's schedule at work. The ever dreaded 2nd shift. Yes he did get a promotion and yes I am very grateful for that, but yes I am also very bummed that his schedule is now 230-1130 pm, Tuesday through Saturday, which means I really only see him on Saturday for half a day, Sunday and Monday evening. Boo to this! I mean seriously who needs to talk to someone on a Saturday night at 11 pm about their cell phone? And for that matter why the heck can't it wait till Monday....but I have decided that I will be ok! Airlie and I made it through week one of being home alone all night without Daddy and we'll make it through many more. And actually where Airlie is concerned this is an optimal schedule that gives her much more time with her Mommy and Daddy than anyone else, so that is a great thing, but we sure do miss Daddy at night! I've found that cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner and then attempting to get Airlie a bath and book before she gets cranky is just virtually impossible and totally not worth it. I believe I may resort to just eating Lean Pockets or tuna salad for the rest of this schedule. Besides cooking for one and eating dinner alone is no fun anyway, but it does mean that our grocery bills may go down, which would be nice because as of late we have realized we spend an uncanny amount of money on groceries. Wow, seriously, it's ridiculous. Anyway that is off track. Back to this whole change and scheduling thing. Um, yeah, right when I thought I had it all in order, baby is sleeping through the night, Mama is rested, we had managed a routine at night where I cook and Wes hangs with Airlie and so on, then bam, no more of that, here's a whole new schedule, get used to it! I think this is a good lesson for me because everyone that has children is always telling me not to get used to anything because once you do it will change, afterall children are always growing and changing and we must keep up. This is so true and is Airlie changing fast and it's so fun. A couple blogs back I said I was going to slow down and worry less about cleaning and more about enjoying my baby girl and this schedule forces me to do so even more. This is good! I think God is testing me and helping me grow at the same time. So with that I've decided to look on the positive side of this yucky schedule and see the glass as half full, something my lovely husband is always helping me to do. However I will say yesterday was great, Wes was off all day and it was nice spending the whole day with him; we went to Riverfest, did a little shopping, bought a new DSLR camera to take some real pics of Airlie with and just relaxed at home. I also enjoyed listening to Wes sing to Airlie while bathing her and getting a little time to myself during the day to start Airlie's baby book. Life is still good even with a crappy schedule thrown in the mix. ;)

It's our anniversary and I love our wedding song.

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel
And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love
I'm just another fool
Yes, I'll climb a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion
True companion True companion

So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you allright
And when I take your hand
I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers
And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you homeA
nd with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion
I got a true companion
True companion

When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do
'Cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes
I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall
Until the room grows dark
Then when I leave this Earth
I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion
True companion True companion

My life in 8 minutes, LOST style, an anniversary, a baby that sleeps through the night, and a happy Mommy!

Tomorrow Wes and I will be married for 4 years! I think I grow to love him more each year. Although we've only been married for 4 years we have been together for a little over 7. My, how things change in 7 years. I feel like meeting Wes was such a lifetime ago. We have grown so much both individually and together as a couple during these last 7 years. We have accomplished a lot in 7 years. A rundown of those last seven years in 8 minutes, you know like that Lost trailer or like the spoof of it that PC 3 did. Here goes: Kristen lives with Karen, Karen is dating Derek, Derek is Wes's roomate from college. Wes comes to visit Derek, Derek and Karen introduce Wes to Kristen. Wes likes Kristen, Kristen likes Wes. Wes and Kristen start dating. Kristen talks Wes into moving to Erie, PA. Kristen tells Wes she wants to move from Erie, PA to the beach. Wes finds them an apartment in Wilmington, North Carolina. The couple has never been to Wilmington, North Carolina. They move anyway. They love Wilmington, North Carolina. They decide to stay. They get jobs. Kristen takes Wes to look at a puppy. They get a puppy. They name the puppy Eva. Wes asks Kristen to marry him. Kristen says yes. Wes says they should buy a house. They look for a house. They can't find a house they like. They decide to build a house. They get another puppy. The puppy's name is Brollie. Brolile is a crazy dog, but they love him anyway. They move into the new house. They get married. Kristen finds a church she likes. Wes is reluctant. Kristen talks Wes into going to church. Wes goes to church. Wes actually likes this church. Kristen is excited. They decide to try to have a baby. They try, one time, Kristen gets pregnant. They have a baby, Airlie Mae on May 12, 2009, life will never be the same. haha! Life is so amazing.

Things around us are definitely getting interesting lately! Airlie Mae is eating cereal, which is really fun. The pediatrician told me she was definitely ready at her 4 month check up so I went ahead and bought some boring rice cereal. She seems to like it and does really well with the spoon, most of the food actually makes it into her mouth. Impressive. She also slept through the night last night! Yay! Thank you Dr. Ferber! I remember when I started breastfeeding Airlie people telilng me that some day I would actually be thinking that I might miss feeding the babe and me thinking they were nuts because at first breastfeeding is very intimidating and overwhelming, or at least it was for me. Now that Airlie is getting older and I am not feeding her in the middle of the night I really look forward to feeding her in the early morning and in the evening at bed time. At those times it's just her and I in her cozy room cuddled up the rocker close to one another. It's an amazing feeling to have her so close to me and a great way to start and end my day. She is changing everyday and I miss her so much while I'm at work. This weekend Wes's parents are coming to visit and I am excited for them to see Airlie and her progress. They have not seen her since she was about 2 months old and a lot has changed since then. She is beginning to make more noises and recognizes her name. She also notices when you come in and out of the room and sure likes it more when you're in the room. She is now noticing the dogs much more and recently reached out to pet Eva. So sweet! She is all smiles! She is able to hold her head up well and if you prop her up she sits up very nicely. My baby girl is a happy girl, laughing and talking a lot! Fun times are definitely ahead!

In other news Wes finally got a long awaited position change and promotion at work! This is awesome. I am so proud of him for working hard and patiently waiting for this opportunity. It has been a long time in the making. His new schedule is less than preferable, but we will make it work. I believe God has a plan for us and I am just a part of that plan, so therefore I will not be upset with the schedule, but instead grateful for this new position for Wes.

Here are some pictures of the recent cereal adventure, my sleepy babe and Wes and Airlie together while Wes is decked out in his work attire.

Oops here's four months!

such a happy baby!

Happy 4 months Airlie Mae!!!

3 months old!


Two Months old!

One month old!

Three weeks old

Two weeks old

One week old

I can't believe it, Airlie Mae is 4 months old already! Where has the time gone? Here are some pictures of her progression! She is rolling over and getting two teeth, biting on everything in site and loves her changing table and mirrors the most. What fun this is!

Labor Daze

So it was labor day this past weekend which for me meant a three day weekend with no laboring!!!! Wahoo. My boss actually let us leave early on Friday so I got 3.5 days off! I was loving it. My Mom, Airlie and I went to the beach on Friday and because it was a bit overcast it was not half as packed as I expected it to be. I took the Baby Bjorn and took Airlie for a nice long walk in it. She fell asleep of course! We also had a couple of cook outs over the weekend to go to and we went to the Myrtle Beach outlets to hit up the sales. Oh my goodness, what a mad house it was. Airlie was a perfect angel and despite the overcast, rainy day, we had a fun time. It was a last minute decision to go and a bit of a whirlwind trip, but it was fun. We got Airlie a ton of clothes, both for now and for next summer. All the kids stores were 50% off! Can't beat that!!! I really enjoyed having the extra day with Airile and Wes and just hanging out. Here are some pics!

Proud

Wow, I can't believe I woke up this morning and it was actually a bit cool outside. Fall is on it's way to NC and I am actually looking forward to it. It has been a hot summer!!! So this morning as I embraced the chilly weather I was reflecting on summer. It was a whirlwind summer that is for sure. I remember in May being pregnant and thinking what fun the summer was going to be, I would be off for most of it on maternity leave and I would spend every day at the beach, soaking up the rays with my baby girl in her little beach tent and life would be perfect. Bahahahahah what a funny joke! We have just this month finally managed to get ourselves out to the beach multiple times, before that even getting out of the house was a joke, let alone getting down to the beach. At first I was irritated about this, I felt like I was wasting my whole summer be stuck in the house feeding a baby. I had cabin fever like you wouldn't believe and was getting really bitter. Then I took a long hard look at myself and realized just how selfish I was being. I have been on this planet for 29 years and hope to be on it for a lot more years, the least I can do for my child is sacrifice a summer to stay home and nurture her. Once I put everything into persepective life became a lot more enjoyable for us. So today the reason the title of my blog is proud is because I am proud. I'm proud that I am starting to feel confident in my role as a Mom and I'm starting to dwell less on what cannot get done and celebrate more how precious this little life that I'm in charge of is. I'm proud of the fact that after almost 4 months I am still breastfeeding my little girl. Yes some days it is trying and exhausting and yes pumping at work is a major pain in the butt, but I feel so proud everytime I do it that I have nourished her from day 1. I do pump at home as well and let Wes give her a bottle, but still that is milk from her Mommy. I feel so blessed that I have not had any issues with milk supply, latching on etc. My babe was a pro from the get go, but that does not mean that it didn't take a lot of practice to make our techniques perfect. I look back now at the sleepless nights where I was afraid I wasn't getting her enough milk or that I was holding her wrong or that I didn't hold her upright long enough and that caused her to erupt like a volcano when I laid her down and I laugh. I was so paranoid that I wasn't doing things exactly right. I've come to realize after almost 4 months that there really is no right way to care for a baby, everything is trial and error and that's ok. I think that we're doing a pretty good job at this whole parenting thing and I'm really PROUD of that. :)

That laugh is contagious!

Airlie Mae is laughing. This is so fun! Her favorite place to laugh and talk is her changing table. It's like you put her on there and it's go time! She has also learned to change the pitch of her voice and make different noises which she thinks is hysterical. She also thinks her Daddy is hystiercal, he can make her laugh way more than I can. It's always fun when Wes forgets that the monitor is on when he's in there talking to her. Their exchange usually goes something like this: Wes: "Woah Airlie Mae that is a blow out! How can such a little girl fill up a diaper so much?" or "oh, no, all up in your girly parts, you know Airlie Mae someday you are going to be a big girl like the Mom and not poop in your pants anymore." or "oh just wait till your a teenager and Dad isn't cool anymore than I'll remember of what I have done for you!" Oh how funny it is to get to listen in.
It's amazing to watch each day as our little girl changes and develops into her own little person. She has such a great personality! She is now able to hear my voice and find me in the room very quickly. Upon finding me she is all smiles. In the morning one of our favorite songs to sing is "Good Morning to you, good morning to you, we're all in our places with sunshiny faces, good morning to you!" She loves this song, she cracks up laughing when I start singing this song and dancing around her room. She does not care that I cannot carry a tune to save my life! She is also now able to hold her rattle and shake it. This is also funny to her until she tries to put her hand in her mouth, but forgets that said rattle is still in the hand and then she knocks herself in the face and this is not so funny, for her at least. It's pretty comical to watch. As I said before my favorite time with Airlie is the morning. More often than not she wakes up talking instead of crying. It's usually my time to get up anyway so i go into her room. It's so fun to watch her cooing to herself in her crib and then she sees me over the side of the crib and my heart melts. It's like me coming in to get her in the morning is the best thing that has ever happened to her and it is one of the best feelings picking up that sleepy babe in my arms, smelling her smell, and having her nuzzle her little head into my neck while she wakes up. I never thought I could love a little person so much!

Label Reading

So long as I have been living on my own and doing my own grocery shopping I have been reading labels. I decided when I moved to college and gained the inevitable freshman 15 that I should start watching what I eat and excercising. So with that I started obsessively reading every label on every item I bought for fat content, grams of sugar, and ingredients that were not made to be eaten, yet FDA approved. Problem was that for a long time even though I read the labels, knew the food was bad for me or couldn't pronounce half of the ingredients, I still bought it. So all that label reading was for nothing. After struggling for some time after college to get to a weight I was finally happy with I decided that I was going to get seroius about trying to eat better and trying to instill these values in Airlie once she starts to eat solid food. Also, after moving to North Carolina you could say that Wes and I have become self proclaimed "foodies" We like to cook and we like to eat even more. With that said I decided that when reading labels I should actually pay attention to all those chemicals and trans fat I have been eating and try to do a better job of not buying products that contain them. Now don't get me wrong, in the past I really have never been a junk food junkie, but I could and would eat an entire box of Swiss Cake Rolls if I allowed myself to keep them in the house. Note to self; never ever buy Swiss Cake Rolls or Ready to Bake Cookie Dough for that matter. Anyway, because of wanting to eat healthier and cook healthier most recently we started buying all the produce we can at the Wilmington Farmer's Markets and we even tried out an organization called the Produce Box that delivers farm fresh local produce right to your door. We realized quickly that the two of us cannot eat 20$ worth of produce each week or that we get vegetables that we're not so fond of, such as turnips. I mean they're ok, but there are only so many ways to prepare a turnip, so we stopped. Now we buy our veggies at the Farmer's Market where we can pick and choose what we want. It's amazing the difference in taste when it's a local tomato versus a styrofoam tasting one from Harris Teeter. Sorry Teet, but you're tomatoes are just not that tasty. Wes also bought a book by the writer's of the magazine called Men's Health called Eat this, Not that. Great book! This book basically walks you through the supermarket and tells you all the products that are out there and which ones are better for you than the others, ie: which ones have hidden trans fats and mega sugar content. Not only that, but the book also tells you what produce is in season, how to know if the produce is ripe and has great healthy recipes on how to cook said produce. I am in heaven. Not only has this book helped me to cook healthier meals, but I am also saving money because I am not buying as many convenient, processed foods. Now, you're probably wondering why I got on this rant today. Well let me tell you. At lunch today I walked the loop and upon returning to my office I was thirsty. I have been drinking water all day and was bored with that. So, I opened the fridge and there sat a case of ice cold Fresca. Hmm I thought, I'll have one of those, but because of my OCD label reading I decided to skim the ingredients, one of them, "brominated vegetable oil." Yum, right, ah, no. So I then looked up brominated vegetable oil where the Wikipedia entry says, " In extreme cases BVO has caused testicular damage, stunted growth and produced lethargy and fatigue." Wow, all just because you wanted to quench your thirst. I think I'll pass and drink some H20!

Guilt

As I sit here writing this I feel guilty. Matter of fact, for the past two weeks I can't remember a time I haven't felt guilty. Along with not telling me just how tired I would be as a new Mom, my friends also neglected to tell me how being a mother makes you feel guilty, about everything! First I started off feeling guilty for actually looking forward to going back to work. It wasn't that I wanted to leave Airlie at all because I didn't, it was just that I was craving some adult conversation, time to go to the bathroom when I pleased and actually being dressed in something other than pajamas or gym clothes and not having dried spit up on me. Staying at home for maternity leave felt very isolating to me. I am a very social person and not having anyone to talk to all day long got to me more than I thought it would. So when the time was up and it was time for me to go back to work I figured I'd be fine. I was ready. The first morning I drove Airlie to my Mom's house I felt extremely guilty when I left that I wasn't more upset. Granted it is my Mom that is watching Airlie and not some stranger, but I still thought I would feel worse leaving her. There the guilt began. The over analyzing, the questioning my bond with my child, the am I a bad Mom question and on and on began to run through my head. Day 2 however, I cried the whole way to work. I missed her that first day more than I could imagine and I felt like when I got back to pick her up she looked completely different than when I left her. I was convinced she looked bigger and was making more sounds etc. I was convinced that my Mom was probably doing a fine job of taking care of her, but doing everything different. I started thinking that since she is spending the majority of the time with my Mom she'll like her better than me, that she'll resent me for leaving her, that she might reject me when I go to feed her in the evenings. She was happy as can be upon pick up and playing nicely with Grandma on the bed. She did fight me a little bit when I fed her the first time, but after the first day or two she seemed to figure out that during the day she gets a bottle and at night she gets the Mommy. She is a smart cookie. As the week went by I got more accustomed to coming to work and I didn't cry again. I did however feel guilty. I felt guilty that I wanted to come back to work that I wasn't the girl who wanted to have 12 kids and be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life that given the choice of staying home or going back to work I would have picked going back to work. Wow, I thought, I suck. I must not love my child enough. After being at work for two full weeks I now realize that I don't suck I just like to be outside the house, dressed nice, fulfilling a purpose and challenging my brain with the work that I do. My optimal set up would be to work part time, but I don't have that option right now and I trust that God has me right where he wants me for the time being. Now, back to the guilt. Last night I came to the conclusion that I might be a little nuts. After speaking out loud all the things I feel guilty about to my husband I found myself thinking, wow, you are so irrational, Kristen! Let me elaborate: I feel guilty every morning after I feed Airlie and I have to put her down to get ready for work. In the morning after her first feeding is when she is most pleasant. She is smiling and talking and just loving life. This was my favorite time of day when I was home for maternity leave. Now, I have multiple places where she hangs out while I get ready and she likes all of them, but I still feel bad that I'm not having one on one time with her and I'm forced to get ready and rush out the door to work. First she lays in her crib watching her mobile as I do my hair and get my make up on in the bathroom close to her room. While I am in there I sing to her and talk to her asking her about her day and telling her that we are getting ready to go to Gram's. Then she usually moves to either the couch on her back or her swing while I get my clothes together for the gym, feed the dogs etc. While she's in the swing I call her name while I'm walking through the living room and her face lights up in a smile. I believe she is now not only recognizing my voice, but also her name and this is fun. Then after this I sometimes place her in her bouncy seat on the kitchen table as I make something for lunch or clean up the kitchen from the previous night if need be. All the while she is very content, but all the while I feel guilty that I am not having one on one time for her. I then put her in the car to go to Gram's for the day. She loves the carseat. We listen to K-Love, baby Einstein, and sometimes Jimmy Buffett in the morning or I just sing to her on the way, but I feel guilty that she is in that seat in the back of the car by herself. When I get home at night I often put her in that same seat as we get some dinner together and then I think should I wait to cook until after her bedtime, am I damaging her by not playing with her on the floor because I'm starving and want to eat dinner? I doubt it, but I still think it. As I type this I am wondering if people who read this might think that I'm nuts. I might just be. You see having a child makes you see the world in a different light. You have this sense of protection about you, this sense of what can I do to make sure nothing in this world harms my child, what can I do to make sure that they are always happy, always cared for, that they always know you are there for them and that they are loved. It is an amazingly intense feeling. I believe Airlie knows all these things. Last night after talking to Wes I prayed to God for wisdom and guidance and that He help me be a better mother and a better wife. I prayed that He help me to not worry so much if the kitchen is clean or the laundry is folded or the garage organized. I prayed that he let me soak in every single minute of my baby girl's life because it is flying by faster than I want it to. Although I was excited about going back to work, in retrospect, I wish I would have done a better job at saving before we decided to have a baby, I wish that we had enough money for me to stay home. I wish for those days where I never got out of my pajamas and I spent all day reading to Airlie, changing millions of diapers and washing millions of mini clothes. I do however trust that God has a plan for us and that for now this is where I'm supposed to be and that He will help me to be the best Mom that I can be. In the meantime I'm going to help myself and slow down and take it all in one sweet day at a time.

Productivity and the beach!

Resting in my awesome tent Daddy built me!


On my way to the beach!

This past weekend was a very productive weekend for the Bechtel family and if you are a parent with small children you know that productivity is a pretty big accomplishment. First of all, we managed to get the whole family out to the beach and stay a while. Again, anyone with small children knows that when taking a trip the amount of crap you end up lugging with you is ridiculous. But we did lug it all out to the beach and managed to hang out for a couple hours. It was really fun! Airlie has been to the beach before, but not to actually hang out, mostly for just short walks in the Baby Bjorn or the sling, but this time she got to lay on a blanket in the sand and put her toes in the water which she seemed to enjoy! Mommy and Daddy also really enjoyed being at the beach, soaking up some sun and checking out the sand castle building contest that was going on! After the trip the beach we grilled out and had a relaxing evening at home. Sunday however was anything but relaxing, we were on the go and did all kinds of fun things. We had Belgian waffles and sausage for breakfast, took trips to Target and Costco, made bread in our new breadmaker, made homemade trail mix and played some volleyball at Captain Bills. Needless to say we were all worn out by the end of the day.

Airlie is really growing up quickly, too quickly. She is a little over two months now and has learned to smile, laugh, and stick her hands in her mouth far enough to choke herself! She is also grasping on to things and seems to be recognizing her name. Everyday is so wonderful to see her learn and grow. My absolute favorite time of the day is when she wakes up in the morning and I go in to get her from her crib. As soon as she sees me appear over the side of the crib she is full of smiles. My heart melts everytime. She surely is full of fun and a very happy baby. She is adjusting well to being away from me during the day. Although my Mom is keeping her for me and that puts my mind at ease knowing that it's not a stranger it does not make it any easier to leave her in the mornings. I miss her so much it's crazy! Just when I thought I could be a stay at home mom and got used to being home all day I had to come back to work. Such is life I guess. Hopefully someday I'll be able to stay home part time and work part time, I think that would be a great balance for me, but for now I just have to trust that I am where God wants me and spend as much time with my little babe in the evenings and on the weekends. Speaking of weekends, we're headed back to the beach this weekend to watch the East Coast Wahine Contest, aka girls surfing! Fun times! Another reason why I love living at the beach!

I want to write

and I feel as though I have so much to say, yet when I look at this page I get nervous and anxious and cannot put my thoughts together to form a lot of sentences.

Why hello blog...my name is Kristen, nice to finally see you again...

Wow! Two months have flown by and I have not had a chance to write anything! Is it bad that I now have more free time that I am back at work than before I was at work. It's just impossible to have stuff to do for a full 8 hours a day here so here I am blogging instead of working. Tsk, tsk...

But alas, I cannot believe that two months have flown by since the birth of our beautiful baby girl, Airlie Mae Bechtel. It has been a crazy two months indeed. Before having her I had this perfect picture of what life would be like with her. I would have my normal routine everyday of get up, take care of the baby, go to the gym or walk the loop, possibly go to Target, put baby to bed, repeat. Oh, wow, was I in for a surprise. I was totally taken aback by just how much time a baby consumes and how much energy you put into simply feeding and changing the child. I must admit that coming to the realization that my perfect little life with Wes was turned upside down and inside out was not easy. I did not like the fact that I was not in control of anything in my life and had a super hard time adjusting. Looking back on it I feel very silly for letting laundry, dinner plans, yearning for time with friends and a drink bother me. I have now adjusted to having this little bundle of joy in my life and feel amazingly lucky to call her father my husband. Speaking of him, wow, what can I say, I love Wes more now that he is Airlie's father than I thought possible. Seeing him with her, the way he looks at her, the way he talks to her, the way he takes care of her so precautiously, the way he tells me everyday how much he misses us when he's at work, the way he has unselfishly started working overtime to help us pay off some debt we have accrued, the way he is just a marvelous person in general makes me so unbelievably happy to be journeying through parenthood with him. Thank you God.

Onto other things, such as Airlie. Wow do two months make a huge difference in a baby's life! She is now only waking up once or sometimes twice at night and napping for about an hour at a time through the day. She is also eating well! We had her two month check up yesterday and she has grown 1.5 inches and weighs almost 13 lbs! She's a little chunky thing because her Mama feeds her well. The pediatrician told us she is advanced developmentally and that makes me so happy. It's so fun to interact with her. She has just recently realized she has a tongue and that she can make different noises. We spend a lot of time coaxing her into using these noises. She likes her Daddy more than me and talks and flirts with him a lot more. It's so fun to watch. She is now able to see her mobile on her swing and loves the ceiling fan. We call the ceiling fan her adult mobile. Although I have truly embraced being a Mom I must admit that at first I was not so sure of this role. I came to realize that I was a lot more selfish and routine than I had thought and I became super anxious because of this. Lucky for me my Mom and Wes were here to support me and help me through those first two weeks. This whole parenting thing is one wild ride, but I'm glad to say it is mostly a fun and rewarding one, minus the sleep deprivation! More to come...

The apple will fall from the tree when it's ripe...

Or at least those are the words of wisdom from my Aunt and mother regarding when this baby will decide to make her appearance in this world. According to my "due date" I am overdue which means the following, according to Mirriam-Webster:
Main Entry:
over·due 1 a: unpaid when due b: delayed beyond an appointed time 2: too great : 3: more than ready. I would like to go with number 3, please and say that I am more than ready to have this baby! Although it is only 3 days past my due date it seems like forever. I have been looking forward to this day for 9 months and now it has come and gone. It seems to make the suspense of when it is going to happen even more intense and the fear of if I'm going to be able to handle the pain even more great. According to ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) and my doctor a due date really is a silly thing. They should give women a due range, approximately a two week window of when you might have the baby. So they're saying that this could go on for another week, Lord give me strength! I have another apt. with the doctor on Friday to make sure that Baby girl Bechtel is not in any distress. I'm doubting she is, she has been quite active everyday and I assume she is liking hanging out in the captivity of my belly for a couple more days. She will come when she's ready and God has the master plan and I know that, but it still doesn't make it any easier to wait. Afterall we are really excited to meet her!!!!

Since she didn't decide to make her appearance on my "due date," Saturday, and Wes had the day off we decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and do some fun things. The day started off with french pressed coffee, sausage, egg and cheese biscuits and fruit salad. Yummy. Then we decided to do some shopping and buy a few more things for the baby's room. We then headed down to the beach and had an early dinner at Fish House Grill. As we were sitting on the dock eating I realized that only 5 short years ago we had just moved to Wilmington, we had no money, no jobs, and not a care in the world. Wes picked Wilmington off the map and here we were. My first job was at Fish House Grill waiting tables. So crazy to look back and then to be sitting there married and pregnant with our first child. Time flies. After Fish House we headed back to our house to relax a bit. We then headed back down to Wrightsville to get Ritas Italian Ice and walk on the beach. When we got down to the beach there was a band playing on Oceanic's Pier. Free music, wahoo. The band just so happened to be playing Jimmy Buffett. What a great end to a fabulous day with my husband. As we got home that night and I crawled into bed with the windows open and warm breeze blowing in I must say that MYONEWORD for the year came to mind. Satisfied. That I definitely was.

How grateful I am!

This morning I woke up before my alarm went off and got out of bed because Wes did not have to work today and I did not want to wake him up. I must say from the time I got out of bed I was in a good mood. The birds were chirping, the morning dew was glistening on my flowers, the sun was shining and my house was already warm. I went to Ken's Bagels as I do most Friday mornings to pick up bagels for our office and then drove down Airlie Rd. as I normally do. Just as I turned onto Airlie Rd. and was about to pray for the impending arrival of our little girl one of my most favorite songs came on the radio, Mighty to Save, by Hillsong. I then began to thank God for everything in my life. Everything that is so amazingly good. First for my wonderful, loving husband, second for this little girl I am carrying, this little girl that He had entrusted us with, then for our families, for our wonderful friends, for the sunshine, for my job, our house, for everything that he has provided for us! I am just overwhelmed with all the things in my life I have to be thankful for. As I continued to belt out the lyrics to Mighty to Save (in a very off tune voice of course) and drive down Airlie Rd. I breathed in a deep breath of salt air and thought to myself life could not be any better. I have been blessed and I am so grateful for all that I have.

Single Digit Countdown

So thanks to my lovely desk calendar, today I am reminded that there are 10 days until my due date. Tomorrow we start the single digit countdown. 9 days! I am left wondering, how the heck did this happen?! How is this day here already. It seems like just yesterday that Wes was referring to this little girl as a "blastocyst" because after all at the very beginning that's what she was. Then she got the nickname, "feets" shortened name for fetus. And then he started calling her by her actual name, which shall remain unstated. :) Anyway, now we have 9 days until my due date. People keep asking me if I think I'll go late or early, if I'm ready, do I feel different, etc. Honestly, I don't know! I feel crazy some days. I think I feel contractions, but what do I know, I've never done this before! I definitely don't feel 9 months pregnant. Aside from the occasional back ache and pressure on my pelvis (TMI guys) I feel normal. We got a tour of the hospital last night and it is quite nice as far as hospitals go, but that didn't make me anymore less scared about labor, delivery, and the oh so daunting breastfeeding. It actually freaked me out a bit and I had a mini breakdown in the car on the way home, telling Wes I don't know if I can do all this. Lucky for me Wes was very good at comforting me as were the Cheetos and Key Lime Pie that followed. Ha! I really should not be worried about the omnious arrival of our little girl. Everything is ready for her and her room is quite perfect if I do say so in it's lovely shades of pink and green. As I got into bed last night I glanced over at the pack n play that is now in our bedroom all ready for her and I thought to myself, God is good. Not because he provided all the material things we wanted for her, because he definitely did. I remember at the beginning thinking we'll never get everything I want to have, want is the key word, not need, because all she really needs is love, food, and diaper changes! But we ended up getting almost everything on our registry and more. I have been blown away by the genorisity of our friends and family. But that is not why I was thankful to God, I was thankful because I know he is always there. I know he gave Wes the right words to say in the car last night and I know he blessed us with this little girl because he thinks we're ready to be the best parents we can be. I can't wait to see the little girl that our love created and see her Daddy look at her for the first time. Wow. What an amazing thing to think about.

God fixes things

So the other day I was having a conversation with Wes's cousin about faith. We were discussing how comforting it is to know you have faith in a time of hardship, like with the recent passing of her grandmother. We were also discussing how we feel bad for people who don't have faith. We got on the subject of Wes and she asked me, "How is Wes's faith?" To which I proudly responded, "Great!" We got into a short discussion about this and she said to me, "So you straightened him out, got him all fixed up?" I said ,"Yes!", but then I quickly corrected and said, "No, I didn't fix him, God did." It was then that I realized that God can do amazing things, if you just let him in. If you open up your heart, let yourself be vulnerable, develop a relationship with Him and pray, anything is possible. Sometimes it's hard to see through the turmoil and struggles of everyday life to realize that God is answering prayers everyday. Although His answers may not be what you want to hear, often times He is still answering and guiding you to what is right, afterall he knows best. Although I don't have all the answers, nor does Wes, we're still very new to this relationship with God thing, we have come a long way together since our relationship began. I see the progress that we have made together and it makes me feel so full inside. So today I am relishing in the fact that God fixed Wes, so to speak and that answer to prayer in itself is awesome.

Preggo Pics!

Just a little preview, my friend Tiffany did these shots for us this passed weekend. These are just a few previews! More to come! Check out more of Tiffany's stuff

at http://tcophotography.blogspot.com/2009/03/kristen-wes-and-baby.html

Realizations I had while on my walk around the loop

1. College boys don't check me out anymore (from the front that is) from the back I still get the occasional hoots and hollers and then when they get past me and see the baby bump and they become immediately bashful that they were just attempting to flirt with an old pregnant lady. This is funny, yet sad at the same time.
2. Spring has sprung in North Carolina; the trees have green spurts of growth, the birds are chirping and the ocean air has a lot less of a chill.
3. My marriage is stronger now than it has ever been. I believe a part of this is due to the fact that we have created the miracle growing inside of me together and out of love.
4. Some people will always find something to complain about no matter how good life is.
5. I long for the day when I can have more than one sip of beer without feeling guilty.
6. I am obsessed with having everything in it's place in my house before going to bed. (oh how i know this will change in a month)
7. My husband's positivity and outlook on life make me smile everyday.
8. Sunday naps are awesome.
9. I wish I had the perserverence and stamina of my friend Amanda W.
10. I wish I didn't like to eat so much!
11. I am proud of how healthy and active I have been throughout my pregnancy.
12. I am scared to death of labor and more scared of having a new baby to care for.
13. I wish that the flower fairy would come to my house and pull all the weeds!
14. People smile at you a lot more when you are pregnant.
15. I can no longer fit into my Nike running shorts no matter how hard I try.
16. My small group have become some of the most treasured people in my life.
17. I respect and value my mother and mother in law more as my pregnancy progresses. What a big responsibility motherhood is.
18. My productivity level sky rockets if I forget to tell the barista to make it a decaf latte!
19. I think that not recycling is just plain lazy and selfish.
20. I made Orange Julius' last night and they were just as yummy as I remembered them in my childhood.
22. Baseball season has begun and that makes me crave nachos and hotdogs!
23. I wish that everday was Sunday so I could spend all my days with Wes.
24. Tower 7 makes the best shrimp tacos everrrrrrr.
25. I can't wait to meet our little girl and hold her and love her and rock her and share her with Wes.

Dependent

I'm not so sure when or how I became so dependent on my husband, but it has happened and I'm not sure I like it. I used to be a really independent girl, making decisions and flying by the seat of my pants. I must say since marrying Wes I have totally changed into an indecisive, dependent girl! What the heck? On Friday I am leaving to fly to Pennsylvania for my first baby shower. Although I am totally excited for the first shower and to see most of my family I am also very hesitant to fly there on my own and leave Wes for three days. Just the other night while Wes's family was in town he stayed up late to watch baseball with his Dad and I went to bed. I could not fall asleep because he was not in bed with me. I just kept laying there waiting for him to come in. Our routine was out of whack and I did not like it. I try to tell myself that I am spontaneous, but that's a lie, I am a very routine type of girl! I don't know how I'm going to sleep this weekend by myself. Oh my, what a shame that I've become so accustomed to everything that just this small step outside of the box has me all up in arms.

On another note, the pregnancy is progressing fabulously. I had another doctor's apt. on Monday and all is well, although the baby might be breech! Yikes. She still has 8 weeks to turn herself the right way so I'm not really worried, especially since lately she is never still a minute. I relish in this miracle inside me everyday. I am still in awe that it is possible for me to be carrying our child inside of me. What a blessing. Thank you God. We have finished painting the nursery and baby gifts are beginning to arrive on our doorstep. We have also officially settled on her name and I really like it. It is southern and unique, yet not completely out there so to speak.

Things I am excited about for this weekend in Pennsylvania:
getting to spend some one on one time with my Mom;
seeing my family from California, Indiana, Ohio, and Georgia;
going to Philadelphia Chocolates, my favorite chocolate store ever!!!;
going to Quaker Steak and Lube, best restaurant in the town!
having our first baby shower!!! Yay!

Perfection

So as I sit here right now I am extremely anxious. I keep trying to tell myself not to be, that everything will be fine, but I can't help but be a little bit anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, etc. You get the picture. In a little over two months Wes and I will be parents. Wait, what?! How did this happen? I seem to remember deciding to try to get pregnant and now all of a sudden labor is only two months away!!! Woah~!!!!!! So I shouldn't be nervous because I had a doctor's appointment on Monday and I heard all wonderful things. The doctor said the word perfect so many times I almost peed myself, which now a days seems to be no big deal. Note to all the girls out there who are not pregnant but may be in the near future: In the months 6-7 of your pregnancy, be sure to empty your bladder frequently because with a 3 pound child resting on your bladder any sudden sense of emotion, a sneeze, laughter or things of those nature can make you pee just a little. That may be too much information for some people out there, but oh well, it's the truth. Anyway, back on track. I got measured, heard the baby's heart beat, got weighed, got my blood pressure checked and all that fun stuff on Monday. The weight came first, which always makes me nervous. I start analyzing the minute I step on the scale, am I doing too much, not enough, is she going to tell me I'm a fatso and I need to be on a diet, etc. The doctor said my weight is "perfect" Yippee! I have been working really hard to continue going to the gym at least 4 or 5 times a week or walkingthe loop and it's working. Next she measured me and listened to the babv's heart beat, saying, "sounds perfect!" Again, yay! Everything else looked good as well, but I still can't help but be anxious about if this baby will be completely healthy. Ahhh. We have finished painting the nursery and are going to put crown molding up this weekend. We have a crib that my wonderful husband assembled and have a changing table in mind. Things are coming together and the room is looking adorable. I am getting more excited everyday to meet our little girl. She is a high energy little thing, pushing around a lot in there to the point where I can see her little extremities hitting my belly. Friends of mine have told me that they miss being pregnant and I used to think that they were crazy, but now that I have this connection to this little girl growing inside of me I totally understand. I think I will be saddened when I am no longer pregnant that she is no longer with me all the time. I hope that I can be half the Mom my mother was to me to this little girl.

Dancing Queen with no jeans

So every since Wes and I have been together I've wanted to take dancing lessons. Wes on the other hand; not so much. It's not that he doesn't like to dance because he can break it down. He has great rhythm and can shake his moneymaker. He just doesn't seem to be enthralled by a bossy lady giving him orders on how to do the two step, but our small group is going dancing this Friday night and so are we! While I'm super excited to learn some basic ball room dancing skills, I'm a bit nervous. I can't remember the last time I've been out to shake my booty, nor been dressed up enough to feel like dancing. My dress up attire includes work clothes which are by definition very boring! So, now I'm stressing out about what to wear on Friday night and if I can manage to wear a cute pair of heels in my 6 1/2 month pregnancy bliss. We shall see. Also, as many of you know, I have no cute jeans to wear. I am so sick of complaining about this I could scream, but still I cannot bring myself to spend 60 bucks or more on a pair of jeans that have a humongo panel in the front and will only be worn for 3-6 more months depending on how fast I bounce back into shape. Oh, this frustration is killing me. Why can't stores just carry a few pairs of cute maternity jeans in LONGS?! Is that too much to ask?! Hmph. So anyway, I'll probably wear my one pair of jeans that I own that fit, and some cute high heels to go dancing. I'll probably also be mildly frustrated upon starting to dance as Wes will be following right on key and I'll be stepping on his feet because he is just going to be better than me at dancing I just know it. I know this because he is more instrumental and sings way better than me. I guess I'll have to swallow my pride and just roll with it. I'm sure it will be fun either way. Babs McDance get ready, you're going to have a preggo with little rhythm and high heels on, things could get dangerous! :)

I love this song so much...

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me asYou find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)
My SaviorHe can move the mountains
My God is mighty to saveHe is mighty to save
ForeverAuthor of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light &Let the whole world see
We're singingFor the gloryOf the risen King
JesusYou're the SaviorYou can move the mountains
LordYou are mighty to saveYou are mighty to save
ForeverAuthor of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave

Generosity

We are doing a four week series at church right now called MORE and the focus of the series is money; more specifically tithing and how gaining control of the financial aspects of your life can set you free in a way(See Matthew 6:24). Although Mike's main focus is on the tithe, his other side kick focus seems to be generosity and for me that hits home more. He asked the question at the beginning of the series, "What comes first, contentment or generosity?" For me my gut reaction was that generosity comes first and that makes me content, but looking back to reassess, that is not always the case. This series has forced me to look long and hard at what we spend money on, what we need, and what we don't have that we want and surely don't actually need. The other thing this series has done for me is to highlight what a generous person my mother is and how indebted I am to her for teaching me to be kind, to give to others, and to be generous with what you have. As most of my close friends know, my Mom raised me as a single mother and has never had a lot of money. As a matter of fact, she has worked three jobs at times to make sure I had a nice Christmas, got the Cheerleading shoes I wanted or had the homecoming dress of my dreams. She always made it work. She never complained and she never once let on to me that she was barely making ends meet. Looking back, however, as an adult I know that she struggled more often than not, however she never ever and still to this day has stopped giving. I wish that I was rich enough to give back to her all the money I made her spend on useless brand name items and things that I didn't really need. Anytime anyone is in need, my mom is there. Anytime someone dies, my Mom will be the first to bring their family a dish of food and send them a card. She would be the first to call and make sure they are doing ok. We never went to a church on a regular basis because we didn't have a way to get there, but when we did go to a church, even if we were just visitors at that church I remember my Mom putting money in the offering plate. Even if it was just one or two dollars, she would still put the something in. Recently, a father of one of her neighbors in the apartment complex she lives in died, although she does not know the family on a "friend" basis, she knows them and knows that they didn't even have enough money to have a funeral for their father. She immediately cooked them an entire italian dinner and took it to them. I'm sure she sacraficed something on her grocery list that she wanted to make this meal, but she did it anyway. She is the reason why I am a nurturer by nature and the reason I enjoy taking care of others and doing for others. Some people say that I often don't take enough time for myself, but taking times for others is all the more rewarding if you ask me. So this leads me back to the tithe. Although I do not feel faithful enough to be able to tithe 10% of our income, that does not mean I should give nothing. As Mike noted on Sunday he does not think God is concerned with the percentage that is coming out of our checks each month, he is more concerned with our intentions and our hearts. I think my heart is in the right place, now it's just time to put some of the money in that same place. Easier said than done, but if the opposite of faith is worry and I have vowed to worried less and have more faith, then I must give! (Matthew 6:25)

I can't get no satisfaction....

"I can't get no satisfaction
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no." Rolling Stones

That song just popped into my head when I sat down and decided to write. The other song that popped into my head is what Wes calls my theme song. It goes like this:

"I'm in a hurry to get things done.
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun.
All I really gotta do is live and die.
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why. Alabama

So our church has come up with this thing called myoneword.org. Mike, our pastor, asked us to choose one word and reflect on it for the year. Think about it, pray about it and see how it works into our lives. Last year I was so indecisive that I never picked a word. Wes said it should be relax because I often forget to take time to do so, but I couldn't committ to that because I felt like that made me lazy. Hence the cycle of not relaxing repeated itself. I did get better about my compulsiveness and leaving some things for the next day when I became exhausted, but I definitely still have room for improvement.

This year I decided for my word that I would pick satisified. Why, you ask? Well because often times I find myself making endless to do lists, checking things off the list and then moving on to making another list, never taking time to be satisfied that I have accomplished what was on my first list. More in depth, however is that I seem to never be able to be completely satisfied with my life, which is ridiculous because I have a great life and it is definitely satisfaction worthy. I have a job, which lately seems to bea blessing in itself, I have a roof over my head, I'm healthy and I am so incredibly happy, mostly due to the fact that I am married to a wonderful man who has made many dreams come true and we continue to enjoy being with one another after almost 7 years. So, why the lust of moving on, moving up, getting one thing done to move to the next. I honestly don't know. I do know that there is always going to be somebody prettier than me, richer than me, with a bigger house than me and I should just get over it! I don't remember my mom being as much of a busy body as me or making incessant to-do lists around the house or being bored more often than not. I more so remember her being an organized, peaceful sole who could sit down and read a book after a long day and not feel guilty that she wasn't cleaning or doing something deemed more important, which by definition is obviously a matter of opinion. I think most women would say that a good book and a bubble bath are much more important than a clean house. :) I do know that she is one of the most selfless, kind souls I know. She taught me how to be a nurturer and for that reason I feel the need to take care of everyone else before I take care of me. I would much rather be doing something for Wes and making him smile than doing something for myself. That's just the way I am, but I still need to take time for me. In any event, Wes has taught me a lot about being satisfied. On more than one occasion I can remember him asking me to please sit down, to RELAX, to just enjoy the day for what it is. He is good at this and I should learn from him. In Matthew 6:25, the bible says, and Mike often references this in church,
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
And as Mike always says the opposite of faith is worry. I consider myself to definitely be a person of faith, however obviously I have a long way to go. I need to let go of the wheel and remember that as long as I am walking with God he will provide. Just typing that I feel empowered. So with that in mind, I am trying to stress less and relish in the moments of my life more. Afterall, I am pregnant and the moments for just Wes and I alone are going to be far and few between so I should enjoy the quiet oneness that we share while I can, and be satisfied that I have a husband who reciprocates my unconditional love and a life worth living not just rushing through.

Hello 2009!

As 2008 is over and 2009 has begun I find myself inclined to post a blog, mostly because I'm feeling soooo happy and I'd like to share the warmth. Although 2008 brought some sad events with it, for the most part it was a great year, just as every other year has been since I married Wes. We just have the best time. Yesterday, while standing in our kitchen we had a great moment of thankfulness with one another and I can't stop thinking back to that moment and smiling. What a wonderful feeling of love. This past year has been so fulfilling for both Wes and I, not just because I'm pregnant with our first child, but for many other reasons as well. First of all, we have found a church that we love and Wes has been going on a regular basis for a long time now. This makes me soooooooo happy. We have also made friends with some amazing people that are truly genuine, caring, people, and they make my world a brighter place. I believe Wes is finally in a position at work that he is enjoying and I am also enjoying my new job. Yesterday we began organizing our garage and making room for extra things out of our office which we are now converting into the nursery! What a great day we had organizing and fantasizing about how the nursery will look when finished! It's going to be so cute! We originally decided to do the room in black and white with accents of pink, but lately have been leaning towards a more beachy theme with green and pink seersucker! Oh what fun! To make New Years Day even more exciting I felt the baby move for the first time. What a weird, yet amazing feeling! I had just finished saying my prayers and her name was on the tip of my tongue as I thanked God for the blessing of her and then woooo there she was making waves in my belly. I am amazed daily at the miracle of pregnancy. This is truly one of the most exciting times of my life and I could not ask for a better partner to share this time with. So as 2008 is over and 2009 begins I have nothing but hopefulness for another wonderful year better than the ones that have past. It seems as though every year in our life just continues to get better! Happy New Year everyone!