That laugh is contagious!

Airlie Mae is laughing. This is so fun! Her favorite place to laugh and talk is her changing table. It's like you put her on there and it's go time! She has also learned to change the pitch of her voice and make different noises which she thinks is hysterical. She also thinks her Daddy is hystiercal, he can make her laugh way more than I can. It's always fun when Wes forgets that the monitor is on when he's in there talking to her. Their exchange usually goes something like this: Wes: "Woah Airlie Mae that is a blow out! How can such a little girl fill up a diaper so much?" or "oh, no, all up in your girly parts, you know Airlie Mae someday you are going to be a big girl like the Mom and not poop in your pants anymore." or "oh just wait till your a teenager and Dad isn't cool anymore than I'll remember of what I have done for you!" Oh how funny it is to get to listen in.
It's amazing to watch each day as our little girl changes and develops into her own little person. She has such a great personality! She is now able to hear my voice and find me in the room very quickly. Upon finding me she is all smiles. In the morning one of our favorite songs to sing is "Good Morning to you, good morning to you, we're all in our places with sunshiny faces, good morning to you!" She loves this song, she cracks up laughing when I start singing this song and dancing around her room. She does not care that I cannot carry a tune to save my life! She is also now able to hold her rattle and shake it. This is also funny to her until she tries to put her hand in her mouth, but forgets that said rattle is still in the hand and then she knocks herself in the face and this is not so funny, for her at least. It's pretty comical to watch. As I said before my favorite time with Airlie is the morning. More often than not she wakes up talking instead of crying. It's usually my time to get up anyway so i go into her room. It's so fun to watch her cooing to herself in her crib and then she sees me over the side of the crib and my heart melts. It's like me coming in to get her in the morning is the best thing that has ever happened to her and it is one of the best feelings picking up that sleepy babe in my arms, smelling her smell, and having her nuzzle her little head into my neck while she wakes up. I never thought I could love a little person so much!

Label Reading

So long as I have been living on my own and doing my own grocery shopping I have been reading labels. I decided when I moved to college and gained the inevitable freshman 15 that I should start watching what I eat and excercising. So with that I started obsessively reading every label on every item I bought for fat content, grams of sugar, and ingredients that were not made to be eaten, yet FDA approved. Problem was that for a long time even though I read the labels, knew the food was bad for me or couldn't pronounce half of the ingredients, I still bought it. So all that label reading was for nothing. After struggling for some time after college to get to a weight I was finally happy with I decided that I was going to get seroius about trying to eat better and trying to instill these values in Airlie once she starts to eat solid food. Also, after moving to North Carolina you could say that Wes and I have become self proclaimed "foodies" We like to cook and we like to eat even more. With that said I decided that when reading labels I should actually pay attention to all those chemicals and trans fat I have been eating and try to do a better job of not buying products that contain them. Now don't get me wrong, in the past I really have never been a junk food junkie, but I could and would eat an entire box of Swiss Cake Rolls if I allowed myself to keep them in the house. Note to self; never ever buy Swiss Cake Rolls or Ready to Bake Cookie Dough for that matter. Anyway, because of wanting to eat healthier and cook healthier most recently we started buying all the produce we can at the Wilmington Farmer's Markets and we even tried out an organization called the Produce Box that delivers farm fresh local produce right to your door. We realized quickly that the two of us cannot eat 20$ worth of produce each week or that we get vegetables that we're not so fond of, such as turnips. I mean they're ok, but there are only so many ways to prepare a turnip, so we stopped. Now we buy our veggies at the Farmer's Market where we can pick and choose what we want. It's amazing the difference in taste when it's a local tomato versus a styrofoam tasting one from Harris Teeter. Sorry Teet, but you're tomatoes are just not that tasty. Wes also bought a book by the writer's of the magazine called Men's Health called Eat this, Not that. Great book! This book basically walks you through the supermarket and tells you all the products that are out there and which ones are better for you than the others, ie: which ones have hidden trans fats and mega sugar content. Not only that, but the book also tells you what produce is in season, how to know if the produce is ripe and has great healthy recipes on how to cook said produce. I am in heaven. Not only has this book helped me to cook healthier meals, but I am also saving money because I am not buying as many convenient, processed foods. Now, you're probably wondering why I got on this rant today. Well let me tell you. At lunch today I walked the loop and upon returning to my office I was thirsty. I have been drinking water all day and was bored with that. So, I opened the fridge and there sat a case of ice cold Fresca. Hmm I thought, I'll have one of those, but because of my OCD label reading I decided to skim the ingredients, one of them, "brominated vegetable oil." Yum, right, ah, no. So I then looked up brominated vegetable oil where the Wikipedia entry says, " In extreme cases BVO has caused testicular damage, stunted growth and produced lethargy and fatigue." Wow, all just because you wanted to quench your thirst. I think I'll pass and drink some H20!

Guilt

As I sit here writing this I feel guilty. Matter of fact, for the past two weeks I can't remember a time I haven't felt guilty. Along with not telling me just how tired I would be as a new Mom, my friends also neglected to tell me how being a mother makes you feel guilty, about everything! First I started off feeling guilty for actually looking forward to going back to work. It wasn't that I wanted to leave Airlie at all because I didn't, it was just that I was craving some adult conversation, time to go to the bathroom when I pleased and actually being dressed in something other than pajamas or gym clothes and not having dried spit up on me. Staying at home for maternity leave felt very isolating to me. I am a very social person and not having anyone to talk to all day long got to me more than I thought it would. So when the time was up and it was time for me to go back to work I figured I'd be fine. I was ready. The first morning I drove Airlie to my Mom's house I felt extremely guilty when I left that I wasn't more upset. Granted it is my Mom that is watching Airlie and not some stranger, but I still thought I would feel worse leaving her. There the guilt began. The over analyzing, the questioning my bond with my child, the am I a bad Mom question and on and on began to run through my head. Day 2 however, I cried the whole way to work. I missed her that first day more than I could imagine and I felt like when I got back to pick her up she looked completely different than when I left her. I was convinced she looked bigger and was making more sounds etc. I was convinced that my Mom was probably doing a fine job of taking care of her, but doing everything different. I started thinking that since she is spending the majority of the time with my Mom she'll like her better than me, that she'll resent me for leaving her, that she might reject me when I go to feed her in the evenings. She was happy as can be upon pick up and playing nicely with Grandma on the bed. She did fight me a little bit when I fed her the first time, but after the first day or two she seemed to figure out that during the day she gets a bottle and at night she gets the Mommy. She is a smart cookie. As the week went by I got more accustomed to coming to work and I didn't cry again. I did however feel guilty. I felt guilty that I wanted to come back to work that I wasn't the girl who wanted to have 12 kids and be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life that given the choice of staying home or going back to work I would have picked going back to work. Wow, I thought, I suck. I must not love my child enough. After being at work for two full weeks I now realize that I don't suck I just like to be outside the house, dressed nice, fulfilling a purpose and challenging my brain with the work that I do. My optimal set up would be to work part time, but I don't have that option right now and I trust that God has me right where he wants me for the time being. Now, back to the guilt. Last night I came to the conclusion that I might be a little nuts. After speaking out loud all the things I feel guilty about to my husband I found myself thinking, wow, you are so irrational, Kristen! Let me elaborate: I feel guilty every morning after I feed Airlie and I have to put her down to get ready for work. In the morning after her first feeding is when she is most pleasant. She is smiling and talking and just loving life. This was my favorite time of day when I was home for maternity leave. Now, I have multiple places where she hangs out while I get ready and she likes all of them, but I still feel bad that I'm not having one on one time with her and I'm forced to get ready and rush out the door to work. First she lays in her crib watching her mobile as I do my hair and get my make up on in the bathroom close to her room. While I am in there I sing to her and talk to her asking her about her day and telling her that we are getting ready to go to Gram's. Then she usually moves to either the couch on her back or her swing while I get my clothes together for the gym, feed the dogs etc. While she's in the swing I call her name while I'm walking through the living room and her face lights up in a smile. I believe she is now not only recognizing my voice, but also her name and this is fun. Then after this I sometimes place her in her bouncy seat on the kitchen table as I make something for lunch or clean up the kitchen from the previous night if need be. All the while she is very content, but all the while I feel guilty that I am not having one on one time for her. I then put her in the car to go to Gram's for the day. She loves the carseat. We listen to K-Love, baby Einstein, and sometimes Jimmy Buffett in the morning or I just sing to her on the way, but I feel guilty that she is in that seat in the back of the car by herself. When I get home at night I often put her in that same seat as we get some dinner together and then I think should I wait to cook until after her bedtime, am I damaging her by not playing with her on the floor because I'm starving and want to eat dinner? I doubt it, but I still think it. As I type this I am wondering if people who read this might think that I'm nuts. I might just be. You see having a child makes you see the world in a different light. You have this sense of protection about you, this sense of what can I do to make sure nothing in this world harms my child, what can I do to make sure that they are always happy, always cared for, that they always know you are there for them and that they are loved. It is an amazingly intense feeling. I believe Airlie knows all these things. Last night after talking to Wes I prayed to God for wisdom and guidance and that He help me be a better mother and a better wife. I prayed that He help me to not worry so much if the kitchen is clean or the laundry is folded or the garage organized. I prayed that he let me soak in every single minute of my baby girl's life because it is flying by faster than I want it to. Although I was excited about going back to work, in retrospect, I wish I would have done a better job at saving before we decided to have a baby, I wish that we had enough money for me to stay home. I wish for those days where I never got out of my pajamas and I spent all day reading to Airlie, changing millions of diapers and washing millions of mini clothes. I do however trust that God has a plan for us and that for now this is where I'm supposed to be and that He will help me to be the best Mom that I can be. In the meantime I'm going to help myself and slow down and take it all in one sweet day at a time.

Productivity and the beach!

Resting in my awesome tent Daddy built me!


On my way to the beach!

This past weekend was a very productive weekend for the Bechtel family and if you are a parent with small children you know that productivity is a pretty big accomplishment. First of all, we managed to get the whole family out to the beach and stay a while. Again, anyone with small children knows that when taking a trip the amount of crap you end up lugging with you is ridiculous. But we did lug it all out to the beach and managed to hang out for a couple hours. It was really fun! Airlie has been to the beach before, but not to actually hang out, mostly for just short walks in the Baby Bjorn or the sling, but this time she got to lay on a blanket in the sand and put her toes in the water which she seemed to enjoy! Mommy and Daddy also really enjoyed being at the beach, soaking up some sun and checking out the sand castle building contest that was going on! After the trip the beach we grilled out and had a relaxing evening at home. Sunday however was anything but relaxing, we were on the go and did all kinds of fun things. We had Belgian waffles and sausage for breakfast, took trips to Target and Costco, made bread in our new breadmaker, made homemade trail mix and played some volleyball at Captain Bills. Needless to say we were all worn out by the end of the day.

Airlie is really growing up quickly, too quickly. She is a little over two months now and has learned to smile, laugh, and stick her hands in her mouth far enough to choke herself! She is also grasping on to things and seems to be recognizing her name. Everyday is so wonderful to see her learn and grow. My absolute favorite time of the day is when she wakes up in the morning and I go in to get her from her crib. As soon as she sees me appear over the side of the crib she is full of smiles. My heart melts everytime. She surely is full of fun and a very happy baby. She is adjusting well to being away from me during the day. Although my Mom is keeping her for me and that puts my mind at ease knowing that it's not a stranger it does not make it any easier to leave her in the mornings. I miss her so much it's crazy! Just when I thought I could be a stay at home mom and got used to being home all day I had to come back to work. Such is life I guess. Hopefully someday I'll be able to stay home part time and work part time, I think that would be a great balance for me, but for now I just have to trust that I am where God wants me and spend as much time with my little babe in the evenings and on the weekends. Speaking of weekends, we're headed back to the beach this weekend to watch the East Coast Wahine Contest, aka girls surfing! Fun times! Another reason why I love living at the beach!