Proud

Wow, I can't believe I woke up this morning and it was actually a bit cool outside. Fall is on it's way to NC and I am actually looking forward to it. It has been a hot summer!!! So this morning as I embraced the chilly weather I was reflecting on summer. It was a whirlwind summer that is for sure. I remember in May being pregnant and thinking what fun the summer was going to be, I would be off for most of it on maternity leave and I would spend every day at the beach, soaking up the rays with my baby girl in her little beach tent and life would be perfect. Bahahahahah what a funny joke! We have just this month finally managed to get ourselves out to the beach multiple times, before that even getting out of the house was a joke, let alone getting down to the beach. At first I was irritated about this, I felt like I was wasting my whole summer be stuck in the house feeding a baby. I had cabin fever like you wouldn't believe and was getting really bitter. Then I took a long hard look at myself and realized just how selfish I was being. I have been on this planet for 29 years and hope to be on it for a lot more years, the least I can do for my child is sacrifice a summer to stay home and nurture her. Once I put everything into persepective life became a lot more enjoyable for us. So today the reason the title of my blog is proud is because I am proud. I'm proud that I am starting to feel confident in my role as a Mom and I'm starting to dwell less on what cannot get done and celebrate more how precious this little life that I'm in charge of is. I'm proud of the fact that after almost 4 months I am still breastfeeding my little girl. Yes some days it is trying and exhausting and yes pumping at work is a major pain in the butt, but I feel so proud everytime I do it that I have nourished her from day 1. I do pump at home as well and let Wes give her a bottle, but still that is milk from her Mommy. I feel so blessed that I have not had any issues with milk supply, latching on etc. My babe was a pro from the get go, but that does not mean that it didn't take a lot of practice to make our techniques perfect. I look back now at the sleepless nights where I was afraid I wasn't getting her enough milk or that I was holding her wrong or that I didn't hold her upright long enough and that caused her to erupt like a volcano when I laid her down and I laugh. I was so paranoid that I wasn't doing things exactly right. I've come to realize after almost 4 months that there really is no right way to care for a baby, everything is trial and error and that's ok. I think that we're doing a pretty good job at this whole parenting thing and I'm really PROUD of that. :)