"I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

Lately I am one big ball of emotion. I cannot seem to get a grip. I am on the verge of tears constantly. People are constantly asking me if I'm pregnant. If I'm quite honest with myself I must say that I am a very emotional person. Overly emotional some might describe it, but for me while living this life I want to feel it. The main crux of my emotions lately is Airlie. She is growing up way too fast. She is quickly turning into a little girl with her own sweet disposition and just talking up a storm. I love our conversations in the carin the morning when she is telling me what she will do that day with Mam-mam and we are looking for school buses and kids and parks. Three of her favorite things. I love our car rides in the evening where she tells me everything she has done that day including cooking and feeding the birds and sometimes seeing my mom's neighbor's cat, Chloe. She remembers everything. If I tell her something one time the next day she will reiterate it to me. I am amazed daily by her zeal for life and her big bright eyes and how much she is taking in. I am struggling lately with feeling guilty about working full time and just guilty in general. The mama guilt, ah I'm sure some of you know it well. But I feel guilty for everything, if I take her to the store (I should be at home playing) if Wes and I go to dinner or small group (we're missing out) if I was too overly concerned with getting everything in line when she was a baby. I still struggle with the guilt of that. Wes said that was 18 months ago you gotta let it gooooo. He is right. But why can't I? Why can't I just roll with it and enjoy this sweet girl without the guilt? I'm getting better. This weekend on my agenda is sugar cookies and finger paint. Sounds like a productive day for a soon to be two year old to me! In other areas of my life I am so thankful to be back at small group and surrounded by a group of people that support me in my vulnerability and struggles and non-stop talking selfness. I truly feel filled up when I leave each week and can't believe we've been away for so long. Life is trucking right along and I am trying very hard just to relax and enjoy the ride.