Reflection

It's funny how just a day or two can change your outlook on life, on what's going on around you. I've spent my last couple of days in a self-induced, pitying stage, worrying about my life; what's going to happen to me when this baby comes, how my life is going to change, if I'm going to be able to deal, if my relationship with my husband is going to be changed, if I'm going to have enough time for me, etc. This morning I'm not thinking about me anymore! My eyes have been opened and I feel blessed. I feel fabulous actually. I'm not nauseous, I actually feel pretty and the sun is shining bright. Life is good. I'm sick of feeling bad for myself.

Now for those of you that diagnosed me with OCD just the other day, you can now go ahead and diagnose me with being slightly bi-polar as well. As obviously I have drastically changed my tune from the other day. If I've learned one thing being pregnant it's not to get used to how you're feeling, because sure enough the next day you will feel completely different, both emotionally and physically.

Anyway, at our small group on Monday night we got to talking about God, his will (or desire as some like to call it) for our life and how there is so much more to look forward to than anything this earthly world can give us. That's huge if you think about it! That we are forgiven. God's grace is amazing. That as long as we choose to have a relationship with God and try to walk with him that we will be given the chance to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. The happiness and joy that will pour out of those golden gates of heaven is more than I can imagine, but I believe often times we all get so caught up in this life and the pressure society puts on us that we fail to acknowledge that there are bigger and brighter things to look forward to.

I am reflecting on all of this because of a caller on the radio this morning on my way to work. There I was driving to work, listening to K-Love and basking in my I'm pregnant and my emotions are out of control stage when my eyes were opened to this fleeting life we're living here on earth and I was reminded of a story my friend told at small group. The lady calling in to K-Love was calling to ask for prayers for her daughter who is in her 30's and has cancer that has spread to the bone. Her daughter has 4 daughters of her own and today was one of the daughters 9th birthday. The Grandmother calling in was on her way to her daughter's house to celebrate the birthday with the family. She talked of how her daughter is fighting hard and is a tremendous example of a woman. It broke my heart to hear this. The first thing I thought was why?! Why, why, why, does this happen to people. But then I remembered the story my friend at small group told, who had an aunt that prayed for God's will and months later she was diagnosed with cancer. She said that she knew this was an answer to her prayer. How crazy does that sound? Sounds insane to me, but then I remembered that both of these ladies will have the opportunity to enter into the kingdom of heaven much sooner than I will and that is a beautiful thing. Although I don't understand everything that happens on this earth I do know that I can find comfort in knowing that there is a bigger place far more rewarding than I could imagine and that if I continue to show God my desire to walk with him I will be accepted there. So today after thinking of those women, I feel empowered. If they can do it, I surely can and I can be a lot less selfish in living this life.