Live the life you love, love the life you live.

Jesus loves me

2011-03-10T06:50:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the first day for us as a family of three in a while. First Wes's sister Cori came to stay with us and then the day she left Wes's parents got here for a couple of days. We had a really nice time hanging out with the family and celebrating Wes's birthday for an entire week. (I don't think he minded) We went to the beach, the park, and many, many restaurants! Airlie really enjoyed seeing Aunt Cori and as she has named Wes's parents, Mank and Gramp! So anyway, back to last night, we went out to dinner and after dinner we were driving to Old Navy and Wes started singing with Airlie. Then I said to Airlie let's sing Daddy the song we sing at night when you're going to bed. I sang, "Jesus loves me..." and Airlie continued to sing the entire song on her own! We're driving along and I'm doing my very best to hold in the tears and not break down into a blubbering mess! I glance over and my sweet husband's eyes are filled with tears also. What a sweet, sweet sound coming from the back seat of our car. I cannot believe that Airlie is growing up so fast. I have said it a million times before but I never knew how much I could love someone until I became a mother. I do love Wes with all my heart, but there is something different about the love for a child because they can't fend for themselves and they are so small and sweet and innocent their unconditional love that they pour out is just amazing. Airlie has also begun to get the jist of our prayers at night and the night before last joyfully proclaimed, "thank you for the park! Amen!" Sweet girl that I love so much!

"I am the light of the world; he who follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."

2011-02-08T08:07:00.000-08:00

Lately I am one big ball of emotion. I cannot seem to get a grip. I am on the verge of tears constantly. People are constantly asking me if I'm pregnant. If I'm quite honest with myself I must say that I am a very emotional person. Overly emotional some might describe it, but for me while living this life I want to feel it. The main crux of my emotions lately is Airlie. She is growing up way too fast. She is quickly turning into a little girl with her own sweet disposition and just talking up a storm. I love our conversations in the carin the morning when she is telling me what she will do that day with Mam-mam and we are looking for school buses and kids and parks. Three of her favorite things. I love our car rides in the evening where she tells me everything she has done that day including cooking and feeding the birds and sometimes seeing my mom's neighbor's cat, Chloe. She remembers everything. If I tell her something one time the next day she will reiterate it to me. I am amazed daily by her zeal for life and her big bright eyes and how much she is taking in. I am struggling lately with feeling guilty about working full time and just guilty in general. The mama guilt, ah I'm sure some of you know it well. But I feel guilty for everything, if I take her to the store (I should be at home playing) if Wes and I go to dinner or small group (we're missing out) if I was too overly concerned with getting everything in line when she was a baby. I still struggle with the guilt of that. Wes said that was 18 months ago you gotta let it gooooo. He is right. But why can't I? Why can't I just roll with it and enjoy this sweet girl without the guilt? I'm getting better. This weekend on my agenda is sugar cookies and finger paint. Sounds like a productive day for a soon to be two year old to me! In other areas of my life I am so thankful to be back at small group and surrounded by a group of people that support me in my vulnerability and struggles and non-stop talking selfness. I truly feel filled up when I leave each week and can't believe we've been away for so long. Life is trucking right along and I am trying very hard just to relax and enjoy the ride.

Compassion

2010-12-09T10:09:00.001-08:00

Sometimes I wonder about other people's level of emotion and compassion and often times I have to remind myself that just because other people interpret emotions differently and are different from me doesn't make them wrong or me right. I try not to judge. I am a very emotional and compassionate person by nature. Just this morning on my way to work I got teared up because it is very cold outside and I saw multiple people waiting for the bus. I felt compassion for them because they were standing out there and I had the convenience of driving my car. Surely this is not normal I thought. And no I am not pregnant nor is it "that time of the month." I have always as long as I can remember been a nurturing, care taker type of person and so for me when someone is not that type of person it is sort of foreign to me. I just had someone that I haven't really had any contact with in about ten years tell me "you were always that type of person to take care of me." That's nice to hear, but sometimes being compassionate and nurturing and empathetic and really emotionally involved in how your friends treat you and respond to you can be exhausting. I often over analyze email responses, voice messages, and conversations when half the time what the person said is really what they meant and there is nothing to read into. AHHH. Well I recently saw on a friends facebook page an article about the "hyper sensitive person." I read it. It describes me well, although I am not completely hyper sensitive I am a little over sensitive. So what does this post mean for me, I don't really know.
I guess I'm kind of just thinking out loud I felt the need to document it. I might be wasting your time by you reading this because really there is no climax or ending to this story. I think being overly emotional and compassionate at time reaps it's rewards too because at least I'll never look back in life and think I wish I had been more invested in this or that or I wish I was more emotionally involved in my family's life. I take caring, nurturing, and loving seriously.

It's Christmas time in the city!!!

2010-12-06T07:52:00.001-08:00

At my house I like to start celebrating Christmas early. I remember as a kid we always stayed at my Grandparents house the weekend after Thanksgiving and we put up all of my Grandma's decorations. My Grandpa would then come home from hunting camp and hang the outside decorations. I wish that I had asked for more of the lights and ornaments but when my grandparents passed away I was in college and didn't know what I would do with them. So anyway I'm glad now that I at least have my Grandma's nativity set and we have a set of Wes's grandmother's bubble lights!

This past weekend we went got our Christmas tree. When we got home on Saturday night we were starving and it was already 8 pm so we decided to wait until Sunday morning to bring the tree in and put it up. Airlie was napping when we did this and when she came out to see the tree in the living room she really got excited. It was such a sweet sight to see. I put a box of ornaments that are unbreakable together for her to hang, however she wants to just keep them in the box. She looks at each one individually and then puts them back in her box. She is very particular about them. Too cute. She also at first wanted to grab and hit every ornament on the tree in excitement so we taught her to use one finger and touch, as Mam-Mam tells her. She is doing alright. We had a really fun weekend together, Wes had off three days, we got the tree, did a little bit of shopping, cooked some yummy soup, went to church and really just enjoyed being a family. That saying that everything is better when you see it through the eyes of a child is so true, especially when it's your own sweet little girl. I love my family and I LOVE the miracle of Christmas!

Being a full-time mother is one of the highest salaried jobs in my field, since the payment is pure love. ~Mildred B. Vermont

2010-11-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

So I have another post from the summer typed and ready to go but I need to add pictures to it that are on a throw away camera (because I lost mine for a week) but I just never remember to develop those pictures. So alas, that post will come out of sequence, gasp.

Anyway, back to now, back to today and how I have been reading and thinking and reminiscing and just wanting to capture my feeling of being so full of love for Airlie on paper, or screen, so to speak.

We had a really nice weekend, although we didn't do much of anything and it was pretty ordinary it was just nice. As I watch Airlie grow into a little girl from a baby girl I am reminded everyday just how sweet she is. I love watching her try to be me. She puts a purse on each arm and off she goes to her little flintstone car. She attempts to put both purses and her stuffed dog and sometimes a baby in the car with her. Then she tells me, "Bye, bye, mama, see u 'morrow." She is definitely starting to use her little imagination. She also is so helpful to me. She picks up laundry that I drop, as she says, "oops" then says "here you (go) mama!" and hands me whatever it is that I might need help with. I am 100% sure that a little boy will never want to help me so much if we ever have one. she likes to narrate what we are doing and I hear lots of times during the day, "I eating" or "I sitting." I love the sweet innocence she looks up at me with as she says "up mama" and how now as she is coming to understand her emotions and body more she actually likes to rest on my lap even if it is just for a moment. On Saturday after Wes went to work I told myself I wouldn't do any chores I would just enjoy Airlie and I'm proud to say I did just that. As a working Mom it's easy to just try and get everything done around the house on the weekend but I don't want to miss out on these times with Airlie. I want to soak everything in, to remember the make-believe, the dressing up, the wanting to be me, the helpfulness because I know she won't always like me this much. Her sweet voice each morning saying Mama and every night saying Nite, nite is enough to make this mama's heart melt. And she now seems to say a new word everyday. This weekend she pointed out the moon and the sun to me and told me I was holding a spoon and a fork. She waves "bye-bye", blows kisses to MamMam (the name she gave my mom) and asks for Dada every night at bath time and every morning when I get her up. Thank you God for this beautiful sweet daughter of mine. She makes everyday a little sweeter.

Sweetness

2010-08-14T17:46:00.000-07:00

Today I spent all day with Airlie Mae. Wes works on Saturdays again for the time being so that leaves the day after 2 pm to Airlie and me. We did a whole lot of nothing today, but at the same time we did so much. We stayed home the majority of the day and then this evening met some Mommy friends for dinner at the OC. Today consisted of playing hide and go seek, dress-up, reading a multitude of books, pushing around the flinstone car, chalk on the walk, playing in the pool and then of course a bath. Airlie's sweet laugh is enough to bring me to tears and she is so fun! She now knows that my name is Mom and that she can call me by it so she follows me around the house saying Mumumumum. It is so funny. Her new favorite game is hide and go seek and so we played that a lot today. She thinks it's hysterically funny when I jump out and scare her. We had an absolute ball just hanging out. I love days like today. She just gets more fun everyday!

Whirlwind

2010-08-03T06:08:00.000-07:00

So every time I think of something I want to write on here I am no where near a computer. Most likely I am either in bed, jogging, or driving. I need to look into that blackberry ap where it dictates what I say into a word document. So anyway. Here I am finally sitting down to capture some happenings in our life on paper or ah on screen I guess...

The months since I last wrote have been a whirlwind of sorts. This summer has been crazy and I am yet to catch my breath. We kicked off the summer with Airlie's 1st birthday which I have previously blogged about, then we moved right into my 30th birthday, a trip to Pennsylvania, the 4th of July, a trip to Myrtle Beach, 3 birthday parties for our good friends children, my mom leaving us for a vacation in PA for two weeks, Wes's uncle and his family came to stay with us and then we went to visit them in Myrtle Beach for a weekend, Wes's Mom coming to stay with us, Wes's mom's side of the family vacationing at Ocean Isle for a week, and then us leaving for Chicago for a week. Whew. Like I said total whirlwind.

So after the celebration of my 30th birthday we had some days off in June and decided to take an impromptu trip to Pennsylvania and surprise Wes's dad for Father's Day. We had a great time enjoying the non-humid weather and Kneobel's Amusement Park in PA as well as just enjoying spending time with Wes's family. Airlie was an angel in the car for the full 20 hours. What a sweet girl she is! July 4th weekend Uncle Jim and Aunt Nancy and Casey came to stay with us on a Friday night and then on Sunday we went to see them at their condo in Myrtle Beach. Their whole family was there with their kids. It was fun to watch Airlie with all her little cousins! It was nice for all of us to get a few hours to catch up. We are looking forward to seeing everyone again in October at Linsey's wedding! Then, with my mom leaving us for two weeks I needed to find sitters for Airlie while she was gone. I was overwhelmed with the support my lovely stay at home mommy friends were willing to offer. What a sweet reminder of the wonderful ladies I am friends with in this town. I was worried that Airlie would not adjust well to being at numerous different houses throughout the week, however she did fine. She napped, ate, played, and had an overall great time with all the mamas and their kids. This made me so happy! After the first week was over Wes's mom came to stay with us and watch Airlie during the day. It was interesting for me because Deb and I are almost never alone just the two of us, it's usually the whole family. It was nice to have some one on one time with Deb and just talk about things we don't normally get to talk about. Airlie also adjusted well to staying with her through the day. Then after this week was up the whole Quinn clan showed up for a week at Ocean Isle Beach. We ventured over to hang with them 3 or 4 times and Airlie had fun hamming it up with all the cousins. They were all so great with her and really made us feel loved. I hope that in the future the beach trip ends up close to us so we can spend more time with everyone! Last but not least we ventured to Chicago for 5 days, just Wes and I. Chicago is an awesome city. I must have been asleep in geography when we learned about it, but I had no idea that the Chicago river ran through the city or that it bordered Lake Michigan. Wow, what a pretty place. It was so cool to be in the city and then have a beach and palm trees right down the street. We had fun learning the subway system, eating at many many great restaurants, shopping, seeing Chamberlain! and just enjoying time with just the two of us. I really fell in love with Wes all over again during this week. We really needed some time to ourselves. I also realized that 5 days was way too long for me to leave Airlie. I missed her way more than I thought I would and by the last day after missing our flight due to the fact that we NEEDED to eat at one last restaurant, I was in tears. I missed her so much and couldn't wait to get back and get a hug. She was equally excited to see us and the next day pretty much let me hold her all day. So sweet. In other non-traveling news Airlie was taking a few steps at the beginning of July but now is walking and running full force. She is all over the place and growing up way too fast. Her baby rolls are slowly disappearing and she is getting taller and quicker. My baby is becoming a little girl. So, whew, that's what's been going on here the last few months. In August we have virtually no weekend plans and I am excited to do nothing!!! Here are some photos to capture the memories...

Wes and I at Wrigley Field

Airlie at Ocean Isle Beach

Me at Navy Pier in Chicago

On the bridge in the city

I think this is Michigan Avenue in Chicago

Erin Flip and I at Piccolo Sogno. Best Italian ever.

US Cellular Field

Wrigley~!

Mark, Linsey and Airlie in Myrtle

Airlie at Brennan's Party

Hannah and Airlie at Ocean Isle

Airlie at Brennan's 1st Birthday

Being silly!

All the little cousins in Myrtle beach!

Celebration

2010-05-20T13:11:00.000-07:00

Last week we celebrated Airlie Mae's 1st Birthday! I cannot believe it. A whole year has gone by since my sweet little girl entered this world. It has been by far the most amazing year of my life. Some days I honestly cannot believe I made it. I remember back to the first days at home. Day one I was on a life high and I even cooked Wes and I dinner. I remember beaming to him, this is fine, we can do this. Day 2 the adrenaline had run out and exhaustion was beginning to set in. Then came the anxiety and the inability to sleep even when the baby actually was sleeping. Those were not fun days. Thank God for my Mom and Mother in law coming to the rescue or I don't know what we would have done. Wes was also a champ pulling all nighters so I could get some rest. Now, looking back life seems so serene, so normal, but my baby girl is a baby no more. She is quickly becoming an independent little sweetie. She feeds herself, helps dress herself, pretends to read books to herself, feeds the dogs, and does all kinds of other fun things. I can't begin to list them all here. As I said life is moving right along and Airlie is growing up. We only have one feeding a day together and I know it too will soon be gone. As a working Mom I am trying to cherish every moment I have with my little girl and remind myself that the mess will still be there when she goes to bed, but these days of saying, "Hi Daddy!" so sweet in the morning and "Oh flowers!" out the window while Mommy waters them will soon to be gone and she will be even more independent and grown up. Aww...bittersweet it is.
For Airlie's birthday we had a party at the park by our house and about 20 of our friends were able to make it. I have learned that May is a very busy month for parties, weddings, graduations, etc. We had a great time at the park and the decorations and food came out just how I had planned. We also spent some time at the beach with Wes's Mom who was in town and my Mom on Sunday just relaxing. All in all it was a really wonderful weekend celebrating the birth of our first baby, Airlie Mae Bechtel. It is true what people say when they say you never know unconditional love until you feel the love of a child. The way she looks at me each morning so excited when I come to her crib and the way she looks up at me each night as I lay her down to sleep is so loving, so innocent, so pure. It makes me feel so blessed to have her and her daddy. Happy 1st Birthday Airlie Mae. We love you so very much and you make my heart grow more full each day!

Of course here are some pictures !

Wes, Deb and Airlie at her party

Airlie, Dede, and Gram at the party

I'm 12 months old!

First taste of cake!

The fam!

Mom, Airlie and me

Awesome cake that my Mom made!

Food and table

Happy 1st Birthday sign I made. So proud!

More food!

Violet from Aunt Kathy!

Relaxing at the beach on Sunday!

Morning of her birthday

Yay a flower, Daddy!

Time flies...

2010-05-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! Where has this year gone? I cannot believe that this Wednesday Airlie Mae will be a year old. She is changing from a sweet baby to a little girl very quickly. This change is so bitter sweet. Things in our house quickly went from neat and orderly to very messy virtually over night just months ago when Airlie took off and started crawling. Now she is pulling up on everything in sight and even standing on her own for seconds at a time. She is getting very independent and eating everything under the sun. One thing is for sure she inherited her parents love of food. To this day she has not disliked a single food I have offered to her and I swear as long as Wes and I are at the table eating she will eat right along with us. What can I say, she socializes with food and drink just like her mother! Speaking of being like me, she sure does talk a lot. She says a lot of words now a days, such as dog, doggy, bird, duck, Daddy, but most recognizable is the word Flower. Who knew that a one year olds favorite word would be flower. She says it in the sweetest voice and it makes my heart melt. The other day she and Wes picked me some dandelions from the yard and my heart just about exploded when she gave them to me. I cannot even begin to express the joy that a child brings to your life. It is amazing. This past weekend we took a short weekend trip to Bald Head Island, NC with some of our friends. Although we were only gone for two days I really missed Airlie a lot. She seemed to have missed us too. WE did enjoy our adult time on the island, eating, laying in the sun, drinking fruity beverages and just relaxing. It was a very nice break. Now this week I am onto finishing up the preparations for Airlie's first birthday party this weekend. I just can't believe it's been a whole year. What a wonderful year it has been. Airlie has made this whole parenthood thing very easy because she is such a pleasant, sweet child. I am so spoiled with her that I am sure baby number 2 will come out terrorizing the world just to get us back! haha. Airlie's party is going to be full of pink and green polka dots and we are having it at a park close to our house. I am very excited about it. I am also excited to see Airlie's face when she tastes cake for the first time since the only sweet thing she has had besides fruit this year is a couple bites of ice cream. Again if she's anything like her mother and father she will want to eat the whole cake!

Gratitude

2010-03-19T11:05:00.000-07:00

So last night I'm sitting at home looking through a cookbook for something to cook this weekend on one of the nights when my husband is actually home and feeling sorry for myself that he is NOT home most nights with me. Lately it seems easy to fall into this trap of feeling sorry for myself and not being motivated to do anything at all. I don't know what my problem is. I don't know if it's the dreary weather that has plagued the south more so this year during winter than normal or what but for whatever reason lately I am s e r i o u s l y draaaaaaagggggggging all the time. So last night I thought suck it up Kristen, your husband is in the country, he does sleep in your bed every night and it could be a lot worse! I then pulled out my bible and my Solo book to do a lesson. The book flipped open and landed on a page. I thought what the heck, I'll just do this lesson. It's title: Gratitude. Seriously? Oh yes, God is at work all the time and right at this given moment apparently He wanted to be heard. so I did the lesson which had me write a list of all the things I am grateful for, wow, the list is plenty! I have nothing to be unhappy about. Reality check well taken. In other news, it is spring, officially. The first day is tomorrow and to welcome spring Mother Nature seems to be happy enough to give us a couple of days of warm sunshine. I couldn't be more excited to spend some time outdoors with friends and family. Airlie Mae is growing up right before our eyes. She is on the verge of crawling and has five teeth! She is also trying hard to talk and at times I believe she is saying Daddy, doggy, dog, Hi, Hiya, and what's that, but I'm not positive. She pats her baby when she hugs her and says, "Awww." It is so adorable. She is happy and healthy and thriving and I couldn't ask for a better baby. SHe is just so pleasant all the time. My favorite times of the day are still morning and evening feedings when it's just her and I snuggled together and quiet. So of course here are some pictures to accompany this lovely little post. Enjoy!

Looking like such a little girl.

Happy 10 month birthday baby girl!

Look at those teeth! CHEESE!

Wes and Airlie downtown

All dressed up for Daddy's birthday celebration

So big, so fast.

2010-02-23T07:30:00.000-08:00

My little girl is growing up right before my eyes and way too fast! She now has three little teeth which are absolutely adorable and horrifically sharp just like puppy teeth! She is rocking back and forth and contemplating crawling but has not actually crawled yet. She is more into the roll over and back multiple times to get where she wants to go. Today as I was in her room putting on my makeup she dropped her pacifier over the side of the crib, she then pulled herself up and looked over at it, holy cow! Time to drop the mattress down! I have never seen her do this move before and quite frankly I don't like it. I must say that this age where we are now is my favorite so far. Airlie definitely has her own little personality and is getting more independent by the day, but she still loves us and needs us so much. It is fun to see her response when I come home for work, arms up in there air, and smiling from ear to ear. It is clear that she misses me when I'm gone and this makes me so happy. She also is developing a sense of humor and likes to tease her daddy and me by giving us the pacifier and then quickly stealing it back. Her attention span amazes me daily because at 9 months she is willing to sit with me on the chair and read at least 2 whole books, sometimes 3. She is very persistent and will work at getting a zipper on my sweater up and down or on opening the tv stand door for many minutes until she accomplishes her goal. She definitely knows what she wants and when she wants it and is not afraid to show it! Daddy says she gets this from her Mom. hmmm...She loves music and waits in the morning for me to turn it on and when the music comes on she claps! Her favorite CD is one from Grammy called Catch the Moon. I must say I enjoy it too. But even though she is doing all these things on her own and quickly growing from a baby to a little girl she still loves to cuddle her mama at night. Morning and nighttime feedings are by far my favorite times of the day. It's such a peaceful time in my daily routine where I think of nothing else besides Airlie, our family and God. I often find myself praying when feeding Airlie because I feel so much peace and love at this time. I feel so strongly to thank God for this little miracle He has blessed us with. She is just so perfect. Every time I look at her snuggled up with me my heart grows a little more. And every time I think back on the day and remember times that I've watched Wes with her or heard him singing to her my heart again fills up. We are so very blessed. I am proud of myself because I am doing much better at slowing down and enjoying every single moment of my baby girls life. She will only be 9 months once and I know this. I am cherishing everything. People are right when they say that it's a different kind of love you feel when you have a child. It is so very different from loving a spouse because this tiny baby knows nothing but innocent love. They have no expectations for you, nothing to compare you too, they only know that they want you to love them and although this love is different from the love of a spouse it makes me love Wes so much more for the wonderful father he is.

Here's to me!

2010-02-05T12:59:00.001-08:00

So this past Monday was not only the beginning of a new week, but also the beginning of a new month, so I thought what better day than that day to start leading a better life and being more DISCIPLINED. After all that is myoneword for this year. So I decided I would try and go to the gym at least 4 days this week and eat healthier throughout the week and control my binge cookie dough eating at night. I'm proud to say that I made it to the gym 4 days this week and I only had either 2 cookies or 2 cookies worth of cookie dough each night for dessert. I also did really well during the week at work. I denied a co-workers cupcakes, a bosses bread, and multiple urges to stop and get a latte on the way to work! Yay. I'm proud of myself. Finding time to work out is hard when you work full time and have a 9 month old babe. I go to the gym at lunch, but some days I just do not feel like it. A couple of days this week I did not want to go and started making excuses in my head of many other things I could have done instead of going to the gym, however I forced myself to go and told myself just get in there and walk on the treadmill, it's better than doing nothing at all. But once I get in there I am pumped up and I work out hard. I'm feeling great today and my jeans are already loose. Losing weight is not really my goal, just being disciplined and healthy, but hey I'll take it. In other notes Airlie Mae is growing so fast it is crazy. She has two adorable teeth and another coming through on top. She is enjoying all kinds of fruits and veggies and some prunes now due to her stopped up bowels. But she likes prunes, truth is the little girl will eat anything you put in front of her just like her mom and dad. We have yet to give her a food that she doesn't like. I think this weekend we are going to try out some tofu and yogurt! She is also now getting up on all fours so maybe she will crawl this century, although she is quite content just laying and hanging out. This dreary, rainy weather has (literally and figuratively) really put a damper on my spirits lately. I'm really missing Wes at night and longing for longer days and warmer nights. I cannot wait till it is still light out after work and I can take Airlie for walks. I am so looking forward to spring, taking Airlie to the park, feeding the ducks, playing some volleyball, etc. All in all life is full speed ahead and we are all doing fine. Here's some recent pics of course.

TEETH!

NEW HIGH CHAIR!

The most wonderful time of the year has come and gone..

2010-01-14T12:35:00.001-08:00

This year was a really special year for Christmas for us because it was Airlie's first! She was a lot more into Christmas than we thought she would be, although really she just wanted to play with the wrapping paper and bows and could have cared less what was actually in the packages! It was nice to be in our own house for Christmas but weird at the same time. This year was the first time ever that Wes, my mom and I were not in Pennsylvania for Christmas. Although each year I complain about having to travel to PA because it is stressful and always too quick of a trip I must admit I missed being in PA for the holidays. I missed pulling up to Wes's parents house and the dogs knowing we were there, I missed seeing the snow, I missed Candy cane lane, I missed seeing my family, but we did enjoy Christmas here also. It was very relaxing. We went to church at 4 o'clock on Christmas Eve and then had my Mom over for a yummy array of appetizers and cookies. I must admit I was super excited to finally be in North Carolina to attend the Port City Christmas Service. It was amazing as to be expected and the music really filled my heart with joy for the Christmas season. On Christmas Day we had a delicious ham dinner at my Mom's house. The following week Wes's parents came down from Pennsylvania and stayed through New Years. We enjoyed having them here and are always sad to see them leave. Airlie got all kinds of fun stuff for Christmas, including an adorable Mermaid doll and light up sea horse (two of my favorites) Her favorite toy seems to be the fake cell phone she got (Daddy's girl already!) I got a super cool smore maker that makes some delicious smores along with many other thoughtful gifts from Wes. Here are some pictures from the holidays.

Christmas Day at my Mom's house

Airlie and me at Mom's

Mom's beautiful house decorated for Christmas

Airlie posing in her Santa hat!

All the goodies we made for friends and family!

Bechtel Family at our house on Christmas Eve

Airlie and me!

Reading before bed with Daddy.

Reading the Night Before Christmas with Gram!

On her way to her first Christmas party!

It's a reindeer, no it's Airlie!

On the way to pick a Christmas Tree

She liked touching the branches!

Airlie and me by our tree

Dear breastpump,

2010-01-08T07:09:00.000-08:00

I am so sick of you. You are a pain in my arse, literally. I am sick of carrying you up two flights of steps every morning to my office and back down every afternoon to my car. I'm sick of lugging you in and out of the house morning and night. I'm sick of cleaning you, I'm sick of looking at you because although Medela insists that you are enclosed in a stylish, sleek bag you are enclosed in a ugly pleather bag that couldn't be less stylish. I'm sick of using you. Although, I am still very grateful for you because without you I couldn't provide the insane amount of milk to my sweet little girl at home.

Love, Kristen

I was thinking this morning and my brain actually started working like my husband's for once and I started computing how many ounces of milk I have pumped with this breast pump. It is amazing and exhausting to think about. After computing, I came to realize that I pump four times a day, five days a week and get approximately 6 ounces every time I pump and I have been doing this since I came back to work around the end of July. So that means that in the last 8 months I have pumped approximately 2,900 ounces of milk for Airlie Mae. That is crazy and although I am really sick and tired of this pump and I will be so excited that I don't have to carry it in and out of work everyday I think I will be sad once this season of Airlie's life is over and she no longer needs me to provide for her in this way.

Ugh.

2009-12-28T07:24:00.000-08:00

When I have something to say I have no time to write and when I have time to write I have nothing to say. In the New Year I pledge to write more things down so that I don't lose track of all the wonderful milestones we are experiencing with Airlie. Yeah right like that will actually happen!!!

Pumpkin Patch!

2009-10-20T09:12:00.000-07:00

Favorite Aunt Cori and Airlie

The fam

Airlie and her sea of pumpkins

Yummy, pumpkins!

Hiya!

Too cute for words!

We went to the pumpkin patch this weekend! Wes's sister Cori is here visiting us this week and we had a fun weekend hanging out with her. We went downtown and walked around, had some yummy cinnamon lattes at PCJ and then headed over to the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin. It's really nice having Cori here and we wish she lived closer than Pittsburgh! She adores Airlie and it is so sweet to see them together. She brought Airlie some super cute gifts; some personalized onesies, some fat little books, and the most adorable pumpkin hat ever shown in the photos above that she knitted for Airlie! It was definitely fall like weather this weekend here and that little wool hat came in handy. Airlie was a champ at the pumpkin patch and we managed to take a ridiculous amount of photos. We also had a photo shoot with my friend Tiffany who is a photographer. You can see a sample of the photos here, http://tcophotography.blogspot.com/.

A good time was had by all. :) Can't wait to visit Aunt Cori in Pittsburgh when Airlie is big enough to enjoy the museums, etc. and of course go to Fuel and Fuddle!

Changes in latitudes, Changes in attitudes..

2009-10-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

"If I wasn't crazy I would go insane."

Jimmy Buffett had it right when he wrote that lyric. Lately I feel as soon as I get my life in order, I get used to something, my life begins to feel routine, then poof, everything changes! That is exactly what recently happened and I'm trying hard not to let it throw me off course! The big change in our life is Wes's schedule at work. The ever dreaded 2nd shift. Yes he did get a promotion and yes I am very grateful for that, but yes I am also very bummed that his schedule is now 230-1130 pm, Tuesday through Saturday, which means I really only see him on Saturday for half a day, Sunday and Monday evening. Boo to this! I mean seriously who needs to talk to someone on a Saturday night at 11 pm about their cell phone? And for that matter why the heck can't it wait till Monday....but I have decided that I will be ok! Airlie and I made it through week one of being home alone all night without Daddy and we'll make it through many more. And actually where Airlie is concerned this is an optimal schedule that gives her much more time with her Mommy and Daddy than anyone else, so that is a great thing, but we sure do miss Daddy at night! I've found that cooking dinner, cleaning up dinner and then attempting to get Airlie a bath and book before she gets cranky is just virtually impossible and totally not worth it. I believe I may resort to just eating Lean Pockets or tuna salad for the rest of this schedule. Besides cooking for one and eating dinner alone is no fun anyway, but it does mean that our grocery bills may go down, which would be nice because as of late we have realized we spend an uncanny amount of money on groceries. Wow, seriously, it's ridiculous. Anyway that is off track. Back to this whole change and scheduling thing. Um, yeah, right when I thought I had it all in order, baby is sleeping through the night, Mama is rested, we had managed a routine at night where I cook and Wes hangs with Airlie and so on, then bam, no more of that, here's a whole new schedule, get used to it! I think this is a good lesson for me because everyone that has children is always telling me not to get used to anything because once you do it will change, afterall children are always growing and changing and we must keep up. This is so true and is Airlie changing fast and it's so fun. A couple blogs back I said I was going to slow down and worry less about cleaning and more about enjoying my baby girl and this schedule forces me to do so even more. This is good! I think God is testing me and helping me grow at the same time. So with that I've decided to look on the positive side of this yucky schedule and see the glass as half full, something my lovely husband is always helping me to do. However I will say yesterday was great, Wes was off all day and it was nice spending the whole day with him; we went to Riverfest, did a little shopping, bought a new DSLR camera to take some real pics of Airlie with and just relaxed at home. I also enjoyed listening to Wes sing to Airlie while bathing her and getting a little time to myself during the day to start Airlie's baby book. Life is still good even with a crappy schedule thrown in the mix. ;)

It's our anniversary and I love our wedding song.

2009-09-24T11:41:00.000-07:00

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel
And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love
I'm just another fool
Yes, I'll climb a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion
True companion True companion

So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you allright
And when I take your hand
I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers
And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you homeA
nd with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion
I got a true companion
True companion

When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do
'Cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes
I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall
Until the room grows dark
Then when I leave this Earth
I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion
True companion True companion

My life in 8 minutes, LOST style, an anniversary, a baby that sleeps through the night, and a happy Mommy!

2009-09-23T07:06:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow Wes and I will be married for 4 years! I think I grow to love him more each year. Although we've only been married for 4 years we have been together for a little over 7. My, how things change in 7 years. I feel like meeting Wes was such a lifetime ago. We have grown so much both individually and together as a couple during these last 7 years. We have accomplished a lot in 7 years. A rundown of those last seven years in 8 minutes, you know like that Lost trailer or like the spoof of it that PC 3 did. Here goes: Kristen lives with Karen, Karen is dating Derek, Derek is Wes's roomate from college. Wes comes to visit Derek, Derek and Karen introduce Wes to Kristen. Wes likes Kristen, Kristen likes Wes. Wes and Kristen start dating. Kristen talks Wes into moving to Erie, PA. Kristen tells Wes she wants to move from Erie, PA to the beach. Wes finds them an apartment in Wilmington, North Carolina. The couple has never been to Wilmington, North Carolina. They move anyway. They love Wilmington, North Carolina. They decide to stay. They get jobs. Kristen takes Wes to look at a puppy. They get a puppy. They name the puppy Eva. Wes asks Kristen to marry him. Kristen says yes. Wes says they should buy a house. They look for a house. They can't find a house they like. They decide to build a house. They get another puppy. The puppy's name is Brollie. Brolile is a crazy dog, but they love him anyway. They move into the new house. They get married. Kristen finds a church she likes. Wes is reluctant. Kristen talks Wes into going to church. Wes goes to church. Wes actually likes this church. Kristen is excited. They decide to try to have a baby. They try, one time, Kristen gets pregnant. They have a baby, Airlie Mae on May 12, 2009, life will never be the same. haha! Life is so amazing.

Things around us are definitely getting interesting lately! Airlie Mae is eating cereal, which is really fun. The pediatrician told me she was definitely ready at her 4 month check up so I went ahead and bought some boring rice cereal. She seems to like it and does really well with the spoon, most of the food actually makes it into her mouth. Impressive. She also slept through the night last night! Yay! Thank you Dr. Ferber! I remember when I started breastfeeding Airlie people telilng me that some day I would actually be thinking that I might miss feeding the babe and me thinking they were nuts because at first breastfeeding is very intimidating and overwhelming, or at least it was for me. Now that Airlie is getting older and I am not feeding her in the middle of the night I really look forward to feeding her in the early morning and in the evening at bed time. At those times it's just her and I in her cozy room cuddled up the rocker close to one another. It's an amazing feeling to have her so close to me and a great way to start and end my day. She is changing everyday and I miss her so much while I'm at work. This weekend Wes's parents are coming to visit and I am excited for them to see Airlie and her progress. They have not seen her since she was about 2 months old and a lot has changed since then. She is beginning to make more noises and recognizes her name. She also notices when you come in and out of the room and sure likes it more when you're in the room. She is now noticing the dogs much more and recently reached out to pet Eva. So sweet! She is all smiles! She is able to hold her head up well and if you prop her up she sits up very nicely. My baby girl is a happy girl, laughing and talking a lot! Fun times are definitely ahead!

In other news Wes finally got a long awaited position change and promotion at work! This is awesome. I am so proud of him for working hard and patiently waiting for this opportunity. It has been a long time in the making. His new schedule is less than preferable, but we will make it work. I believe God has a plan for us and I am just a part of that plan, so therefore I will not be upset with the schedule, but instead grateful for this new position for Wes.

Here are some pictures of the recent cereal adventure, my sleepy babe and Wes and Airlie together while Wes is decked out in his work attire.

Oops here's four months!

2009-09-14T10:02:00.001-07:00

such a happy baby!

Happy 4 months Airlie Mae!!!

2009-09-11T12:45:00.000-07:00

3 months old!

Two Months old!

One month old!

Three weeks old

Two weeks old

One week old

I can't believe it, Airlie Mae is 4 months old already! Where has the time gone? Here are some pictures of her progression! She is rolling over and getting two teeth, biting on everything in site and loves her changing table and mirrors the most. What fun this is!

Labor Daze

2009-09-11T12:33:00.000-07:00

So it was labor day this past weekend which for me meant a three day weekend with no laboring!!!! Wahoo. My boss actually let us leave early on Friday so I got 3.5 days off! I was loving it. My Mom, Airlie and I went to the beach on Friday and because it was a bit overcast it was not half as packed as I expected it to be. I took the Baby Bjorn and took Airlie for a nice long walk in it. She fell asleep of course! We also had a couple of cook outs over the weekend to go to and we went to the Myrtle Beach outlets to hit up the sales. Oh my goodness, what a mad house it was. Airlie was a perfect angel and despite the overcast, rainy day, we had a fun time. It was a last minute decision to go and a bit of a whirlwind trip, but it was fun. We got Airlie a ton of clothes, both for now and for next summer. All the kids stores were 50% off! Can't beat that!!! I really enjoyed having the extra day with Airile and Wes and just hanging out. Here are some pics!

Proud

2009-09-01T09:27:00.000-07:00

Wow, I can't believe I woke up this morning and it was actually a bit cool outside. Fall is on it's way to NC and I am actually looking forward to it. It has been a hot summer!!! So this morning as I embraced the chilly weather I was reflecting on summer. It was a whirlwind summer that is for sure. I remember in May being pregnant and thinking what fun the summer was going to be, I would be off for most of it on maternity leave and I would spend every day at the beach, soaking up the rays with my baby girl in her little beach tent and life would be perfect. Bahahahahah what a funny joke! We have just this month finally managed to get ourselves out to the beach multiple times, before that even getting out of the house was a joke, let alone getting down to the beach. At first I was irritated about this, I felt like I was wasting my whole summer be stuck in the house feeding a baby. I had cabin fever like you wouldn't believe and was getting really bitter. Then I took a long hard look at myself and realized just how selfish I was being. I have been on this planet for 29 years and hope to be on it for a lot more years, the least I can do for my child is sacrifice a summer to stay home and nurture her. Once I put everything into persepective life became a lot more enjoyable for us. So today the reason the title of my blog is proud is because I am proud. I'm proud that I am starting to feel confident in my role as a Mom and I'm starting to dwell less on what cannot get done and celebrate more how precious this little life that I'm in charge of is. I'm proud of the fact that after almost 4 months I am still breastfeeding my little girl. Yes some days it is trying and exhausting and yes pumping at work is a major pain in the butt, but I feel so proud everytime I do it that I have nourished her from day 1. I do pump at home as well and let Wes give her a bottle, but still that is milk from her Mommy. I feel so blessed that I have not had any issues with milk supply, latching on etc. My babe was a pro from the get go, but that does not mean that it didn't take a lot of practice to make our techniques perfect. I look back now at the sleepless nights where I was afraid I wasn't getting her enough milk or that I was holding her wrong or that I didn't hold her upright long enough and that caused her to erupt like a volcano when I laid her down and I laugh. I was so paranoid that I wasn't doing things exactly right. I've come to realize after almost 4 months that there really is no right way to care for a baby, everything is trial and error and that's ok. I think that we're doing a pretty good job at this whole parenting thing and I'm really PROUD of that. :)

That laugh is contagious!

2009-08-20T06:52:00.001-07:00

Airlie Mae is laughing. This is so fun! Her favorite place to laugh and talk is her changing table. It's like you put her on there and it's go time! She has also learned to change the pitch of her voice and make different noises which she thinks is hysterical. She also thinks her Daddy is hystiercal, he can make her laugh way more than I can. It's always fun when Wes forgets that the monitor is on when he's in there talking to her. Their exchange usually goes something like this: Wes: "Woah Airlie Mae that is a blow out! How can such a little girl fill up a diaper so much?" or "oh, no, all up in your girly parts, you know Airlie Mae someday you are going to be a big girl like the Mom and not poop in your pants anymore." or "oh just wait till your a teenager and Dad isn't cool anymore than I'll remember of what I have done for you!" Oh how funny it is to get to listen in.
It's amazing to watch each day as our little girl changes and develops into her own little person. She has such a great personality! She is now able to hear my voice and find me in the room very quickly. Upon finding me she is all smiles. In the morning one of our favorite songs to sing is "Good Morning to you, good morning to you, we're all in our places with sunshiny faces, good morning to you!" She loves this song, she cracks up laughing when I start singing this song and dancing around her room. She does not care that I cannot carry a tune to save my life! She is also now able to hold her rattle and shake it. This is also funny to her until she tries to put her hand in her mouth, but forgets that said rattle is still in the hand and then she knocks herself in the face and this is not so funny, for her at least. It's pretty comical to watch. As I said before my favorite time with Airlie is the morning. More often than not she wakes up talking instead of crying. It's usually my time to get up anyway so i go into her room. It's so fun to watch her cooing to herself in her crib and then she sees me over the side of the crib and my heart melts. It's like me coming in to get her in the morning is the best thing that has ever happened to her and it is one of the best feelings picking up that sleepy babe in my arms, smelling her smell, and having her nuzzle her little head into my neck while she wakes up. I never thought I could love a little person so much!

Label Reading

2009-08-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

So long as I have been living on my own and doing my own grocery shopping I have been reading labels. I decided when I moved to college and gained the inevitable freshman 15 that I should start watching what I eat and excercising. So with that I started obsessively reading every label on every item I bought for fat content, grams of sugar, and ingredients that were not made to be eaten, yet FDA approved. Problem was that for a long time even though I read the labels, knew the food was bad for me or couldn't pronounce half of the ingredients, I still bought it. So all that label reading was for nothing. After struggling for some time after college to get to a weight I was finally happy with I decided that I was going to get seroius about trying to eat better and trying to instill these values in Airlie once she starts to eat solid food. Also, after moving to North Carolina you could say that Wes and I have become self proclaimed "foodies" We like to cook and we like to eat even more. With that said I decided that when reading labels I should actually pay attention to all those chemicals and trans fat I have been eating and try to do a better job of not buying products that contain them. Now don't get me wrong, in the past I really have never been a junk food junkie, but I could and would eat an entire box of Swiss Cake Rolls if I allowed myself to keep them in the house. Note to self; never ever buy Swiss Cake Rolls or Ready to Bake Cookie Dough for that matter. Anyway, because of wanting to eat healthier and cook healthier most recently we started buying all the produce we can at the Wilmington Farmer's Markets and we even tried out an organization called the Produce Box that delivers farm fresh local produce right to your door. We realized quickly that the two of us cannot eat 20$ worth of produce each week or that we get vegetables that we're not so fond of, such as turnips. I mean they're ok, but there are only so many ways to prepare a turnip, so we stopped. Now we buy our veggies at the Farmer's Market where we can pick and choose what we want. It's amazing the difference in taste when it's a local tomato versus a styrofoam tasting one from Harris Teeter. Sorry Teet, but you're tomatoes are just not that tasty. Wes also bought a book by the writer's of the magazine called Men's Health called Eat this, Not that. Great book! This book basically walks you through the supermarket and tells you all the products that are out there and which ones are better for you than the others, ie: which ones have hidden trans fats and mega sugar content. Not only that, but the book also tells you what produce is in season, how to know if the produce is ripe and has great healthy recipes on how to cook said produce. I am in heaven. Not only has this book helped me to cook healthier meals, but I am also saving money because I am not buying as many convenient, processed foods. Now, you're probably wondering why I got on this rant today. Well let me tell you. At lunch today I walked the loop and upon returning to my office I was thirsty. I have been drinking water all day and was bored with that. So, I opened the fridge and there sat a case of ice cold Fresca. Hmm I thought, I'll have one of those, but because of my OCD label reading I decided to skim the ingredients, one of them, "brominated vegetable oil." Yum, right, ah, no. So I then looked up brominated vegetable oil where the Wikipedia entry says, " In extreme cases BVO has caused testicular damage, stunted growth and produced lethargy and fatigue." Wow, all just because you wanted to quench your thirst. I think I'll pass and drink some H20!

Guilt

2009-08-06T11:47:00.000-07:00

As I sit here writing this I feel guilty. Matter of fact, for the past two weeks I can't remember a time I haven't felt guilty. Along with not telling me just how tired I would be as a new Mom, my friends also neglected to tell me how being a mother makes you feel guilty, about everything! First I started off feeling guilty for actually looking forward to going back to work. It wasn't that I wanted to leave Airlie at all because I didn't, it was just that I was craving some adult conversation, time to go to the bathroom when I pleased and actually being dressed in something other than pajamas or gym clothes and not having dried spit up on me. Staying at home for maternity leave felt very isolating to me. I am a very social person and not having anyone to talk to all day long got to me more than I thought it would. So when the time was up and it was time for me to go back to work I figured I'd be fine. I was ready. The first morning I drove Airlie to my Mom's house I felt extremely guilty when I left that I wasn't more upset. Granted it is my Mom that is watching Airlie and not some stranger, but I still thought I would feel worse leaving her. There the guilt began. The over analyzing, the questioning my bond with my child, the am I a bad Mom question and on and on began to run through my head. Day 2 however, I cried the whole way to work. I missed her that first day more than I could imagine and I felt like when I got back to pick her up she looked completely different than when I left her. I was convinced she looked bigger and was making more sounds etc. I was convinced that my Mom was probably doing a fine job of taking care of her, but doing everything different. I started thinking that since she is spending the majority of the time with my Mom she'll like her better than me, that she'll resent me for leaving her, that she might reject me when I go to feed her in the evenings. She was happy as can be upon pick up and playing nicely with Grandma on the bed. She did fight me a little bit when I fed her the first time, but after the first day or two she seemed to figure out that during the day she gets a bottle and at night she gets the Mommy. She is a smart cookie. As the week went by I got more accustomed to coming to work and I didn't cry again. I did however feel guilty. I felt guilty that I wanted to come back to work that I wasn't the girl who wanted to have 12 kids and be barefoot and pregnant for the rest of my life that given the choice of staying home or going back to work I would have picked going back to work. Wow, I thought, I suck. I must not love my child enough. After being at work for two full weeks I now realize that I don't suck I just like to be outside the house, dressed nice, fulfilling a purpose and challenging my brain with the work that I do. My optimal set up would be to work part time, but I don't have that option right now and I trust that God has me right where he wants me for the time being. Now, back to the guilt. Last night I came to the conclusion that I might be a little nuts. After speaking out loud all the things I feel guilty about to my husband I found myself thinking, wow, you are so irrational, Kristen! Let me elaborate: I feel guilty every morning after I feed Airlie and I have to put her down to get ready for work. In the morning after her first feeding is when she is most pleasant. She is smiling and talking and just loving life. This was my favorite time of day when I was home for maternity leave. Now, I have multiple places where she hangs out while I get ready and she likes all of them, but I still feel bad that I'm not having one on one time with her and I'm forced to get ready and rush out the door to work. First she lays in her crib watching her mobile as I do my hair and get my make up on in the bathroom close to her room. While I am in there I sing to her and talk to her asking her about her day and telling her that we are getting ready to go to Gram's. Then she usually moves to either the couch on her back or her swing while I get my clothes together for the gym, feed the dogs etc. While she's in the swing I call her name while I'm walking through the living room and her face lights up in a smile. I believe she is now not only recognizing my voice, but also her name and this is fun. Then after this I sometimes place her in her bouncy seat on the kitchen table as I make something for lunch or clean up the kitchen from the previous night if need be. All the while she is very content, but all the while I feel guilty that I am not having one on one time for her. I then put her in the car to go to Gram's for the day. She loves the carseat. We listen to K-Love, baby Einstein, and sometimes Jimmy Buffett in the morning or I just sing to her on the way, but I feel guilty that she is in that seat in the back of the car by herself. When I get home at night I often put her in that same seat as we get some dinner together and then I think should I wait to cook until after her bedtime, am I damaging her by not playing with her on the floor because I'm starving and want to eat dinner? I doubt it, but I still think it. As I type this I am wondering if people who read this might think that I'm nuts. I might just be. You see having a child makes you see the world in a different light. You have this sense of protection about you, this sense of what can I do to make sure nothing in this world harms my child, what can I do to make sure that they are always happy, always cared for, that they always know you are there for them and that they are loved. It is an amazingly intense feeling. I believe Airlie knows all these things. Last night after talking to Wes I prayed to God for wisdom and guidance and that He help me be a better mother and a better wife. I prayed that He help me to not worry so much if the kitchen is clean or the laundry is folded or the garage organized. I prayed that he let me soak in every single minute of my baby girl's life because it is flying by faster than I want it to. Although I was excited about going back to work, in retrospect, I wish I would have done a better job at saving before we decided to have a baby, I wish that we had enough money for me to stay home. I wish for those days where I never got out of my pajamas and I spent all day reading to Airlie, changing millions of diapers and washing millions of mini clothes. I do however trust that God has a plan for us and that for now this is where I'm supposed to be and that He will help me to be the best Mom that I can be. In the meantime I'm going to help myself and slow down and take it all in one sweet day at a time.

Productivity and the beach!

2009-08-05T06:00:00.000-07:00

Resting in my awesome tent Daddy built me!

On my way to the beach!

This past weekend was a very productive weekend for the Bechtel family and if you are a parent with small children you know that productivity is a pretty big accomplishment. First of all, we managed to get the whole family out to the beach and stay a while. Again, anyone with small children knows that when taking a trip the amount of crap you end up lugging with you is ridiculous. But we did lug it all out to the beach and managed to hang out for a couple hours. It was really fun! Airlie has been to the beach before, but not to actually hang out, mostly for just short walks in the Baby Bjorn or the sling, but this time she got to lay on a blanket in the sand and put her toes in the water which she seemed to enjoy! Mommy and Daddy also really enjoyed being at the beach, soaking up some sun and checking out the sand castle building contest that was going on! After the trip the beach we grilled out and had a relaxing evening at home. Sunday however was anything but relaxing, we were on the go and did all kinds of fun things. We had Belgian waffles and sausage for breakfast, took trips to Target and Costco, made bread in our new breadmaker, made homemade trail mix and played some volleyball at Captain Bills. Needless to say we were all worn out by the end of the day.

Airlie is really growing up quickly, too quickly. She is a little over two months now and has learned to smile, laugh, and stick her hands in her mouth far enough to choke herself! She is also grasping on to things and seems to be recognizing her name. Everyday is so wonderful to see her learn and grow. My absolute favorite time of the day is when she wakes up in the morning and I go in to get her from her crib. As soon as she sees me appear over the side of the crib she is full of smiles. My heart melts everytime. She surely is full of fun and a very happy baby. She is adjusting well to being away from me during the day. Although my Mom is keeping her for me and that puts my mind at ease knowing that it's not a stranger it does not make it any easier to leave her in the mornings. I miss her so much it's crazy! Just when I thought I could be a stay at home mom and got used to being home all day I had to come back to work. Such is life I guess. Hopefully someday I'll be able to stay home part time and work part time, I think that would be a great balance for me, but for now I just have to trust that I am where God wants me and spend as much time with my little babe in the evenings and on the weekends. Speaking of weekends, we're headed back to the beach this weekend to watch the East Coast Wahine Contest, aka girls surfing! Fun times! Another reason why I love living at the beach!

I want to write

2009-07-30T13:34:00.000-07:00

and I feel as though I have so much to say, yet when I look at this page I get nervous and anxious and cannot put my thoughts together to form a lot of sentences.

Why hello blog...my name is Kristen, nice to finally see you again...

2009-07-24T09:43:00.000-07:00

Wow! Two months have flown by and I have not had a chance to write anything! Is it bad that I now have more free time that I am back at work than before I was at work. It's just impossible to have stuff to do for a full 8 hours a day here so here I am blogging instead of working. Tsk, tsk...

But alas, I cannot believe that two months have flown by since the birth of our beautiful baby girl, Airlie Mae Bechtel. It has been a crazy two months indeed. Before having her I had this perfect picture of what life would be like with her. I would have my normal routine everyday of get up, take care of the baby, go to the gym or walk the loop, possibly go to Target, put baby to bed, repeat. Oh, wow, was I in for a surprise. I was totally taken aback by just how much time a baby consumes and how much energy you put into simply feeding and changing the child. I must admit that coming to the realization that my perfect little life with Wes was turned upside down and inside out was not easy. I did not like the fact that I was not in control of anything in my life and had a super hard time adjusting. Looking back on it I feel very silly for letting laundry, dinner plans, yearning for time with friends and a drink bother me. I have now adjusted to having this little bundle of joy in my life and feel amazingly lucky to call her father my husband. Speaking of him, wow, what can I say, I love Wes more now that he is Airlie's father than I thought possible. Seeing him with her, the way he looks at her, the way he talks to her, the way he takes care of her so precautiously, the way he tells me everyday how much he misses us when he's at work, the way he has unselfishly started working overtime to help us pay off some debt we have accrued, the way he is just a marvelous person in general makes me so unbelievably happy to be journeying through parenthood with him. Thank you God.

Onto other things, such as Airlie. Wow do two months make a huge difference in a baby's life! She is now only waking up once or sometimes twice at night and napping for about an hour at a time through the day. She is also eating well! We had her two month check up yesterday and she has grown 1.5 inches and weighs almost 13 lbs! She's a little chunky thing because her Mama feeds her well. The pediatrician told us she is advanced developmentally and that makes me so happy. It's so fun to interact with her. She has just recently realized she has a tongue and that she can make different noises. We spend a lot of time coaxing her into using these noises. She likes her Daddy more than me and talks and flirts with him a lot more. It's so fun to watch. She is now able to see her mobile on her swing and loves the ceiling fan. We call the ceiling fan her adult mobile. Although I have truly embraced being a Mom I must admit that at first I was not so sure of this role. I came to realize that I was a lot more selfish and routine than I had thought and I became super anxious because of this. Lucky for me my Mom and Wes were here to support me and help me through those first two weeks. This whole parenting thing is one wild ride, but I'm glad to say it is mostly a fun and rewarding one, minus the sleep deprivation! More to come...

The apple will fall from the tree when it's ripe...

2009-05-05T13:37:00.000-07:00

Or at least those are the words of wisdom from my Aunt and mother regarding when this baby will decide to make her appearance in this world. According to my "due date" I am overdue which means the following, according to Mirriam-Webster:
Main Entry:
over·due 1 a: unpaid when due b: delayed beyond an appointed time 2: too great : 3: more than ready. I would like to go with number 3, please and say that I am more than ready to have this baby! Although it is only 3 days past my due date it seems like forever. I have been looking forward to this day for 9 months and now it has come and gone. It seems to make the suspense of when it is going to happen even more intense and the fear of if I'm going to be able to handle the pain even more great. According to ACOG (American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists) and my doctor a due date really is a silly thing. They should give women a due range, approximately a two week window of when you might have the baby. So they're saying that this could go on for another week, Lord give me strength! I have another apt. with the doctor on Friday to make sure that Baby girl Bechtel is not in any distress. I'm doubting she is, she has been quite active everyday and I assume she is liking hanging out in the captivity of my belly for a couple more days. She will come when she's ready and God has the master plan and I know that, but it still doesn't make it any easier to wait. Afterall we are really excited to meet her!!!!

Since she didn't decide to make her appearance on my "due date," Saturday, and Wes had the day off we decided to take advantage of the gorgeous weather and do some fun things. The day started off with french pressed coffee, sausage, egg and cheese biscuits and fruit salad. Yummy. Then we decided to do some shopping and buy a few more things for the baby's room. We then headed down to the beach and had an early dinner at Fish House Grill. As we were sitting on the dock eating I realized that only 5 short years ago we had just moved to Wilmington, we had no money, no jobs, and not a care in the world. Wes picked Wilmington off the map and here we were. My first job was at Fish House Grill waiting tables. So crazy to look back and then to be sitting there married and pregnant with our first child. Time flies. After Fish House we headed back to our house to relax a bit. We then headed back down to Wrightsville to get Ritas Italian Ice and walk on the beach. When we got down to the beach there was a band playing on Oceanic's Pier. Free music, wahoo. The band just so happened to be playing Jimmy Buffett. What a great end to a fabulous day with my husband. As we got home that night and I crawled into bed with the windows open and warm breeze blowing in I must say that MYONEWORD for the year came to mind. Satisfied. That I definitely was.

How grateful I am!

2009-05-01T06:35:00.000-07:00

This morning I woke up before my alarm went off and got out of bed because Wes did not have to work today and I did not want to wake him up. I must say from the time I got out of bed I was in a good mood. The birds were chirping, the morning dew was glistening on my flowers, the sun was shining and my house was already warm. I went to Ken's Bagels as I do most Friday mornings to pick up bagels for our office and then drove down Airlie Rd. as I normally do. Just as I turned onto Airlie Rd. and was about to pray for the impending arrival of our little girl one of my most favorite songs came on the radio, Mighty to Save, by Hillsong. I then began to thank God for everything in my life. Everything that is so amazingly good. First for my wonderful, loving husband, second for this little girl I am carrying, this little girl that He had entrusted us with, then for our families, for our wonderful friends, for the sunshine, for my job, our house, for everything that he has provided for us! I am just overwhelmed with all the things in my life I have to be thankful for. As I continued to belt out the lyrics to Mighty to Save (in a very off tune voice of course) and drive down Airlie Rd. I breathed in a deep breath of salt air and thought to myself life could not be any better. I have been blessed and I am so grateful for all that I have.

Single Digit Countdown

2009-04-23T13:27:00.000-07:00

So thanks to my lovely desk calendar, today I am reminded that there are 10 days until my due date. Tomorrow we start the single digit countdown. 9 days! I am left wondering, how the heck did this happen?! How is this day here already. It seems like just yesterday that Wes was referring to this little girl as a "blastocyst" because after all at the very beginning that's what she was. Then she got the nickname, "feets" shortened name for fetus. And then he started calling her by her actual name, which shall remain unstated. :) Anyway, now we have 9 days until my due date. People keep asking me if I think I'll go late or early, if I'm ready, do I feel different, etc. Honestly, I don't know! I feel crazy some days. I think I feel contractions, but what do I know, I've never done this before! I definitely don't feel 9 months pregnant. Aside from the occasional back ache and pressure on my pelvis (TMI guys) I feel normal. We got a tour of the hospital last night and it is quite nice as far as hospitals go, but that didn't make me anymore less scared about labor, delivery, and the oh so daunting breastfeeding. It actually freaked me out a bit and I had a mini breakdown in the car on the way home, telling Wes I don't know if I can do all this. Lucky for me Wes was very good at comforting me as were the Cheetos and Key Lime Pie that followed. Ha! I really should not be worried about the omnious arrival of our little girl. Everything is ready for her and her room is quite perfect if I do say so in it's lovely shades of pink and green. As I got into bed last night I glanced over at the pack n play that is now in our bedroom all ready for her and I thought to myself, God is good. Not because he provided all the material things we wanted for her, because he definitely did. I remember at the beginning thinking we'll never get everything I want to have, want is the key word, not need, because all she really needs is love, food, and diaper changes! But we ended up getting almost everything on our registry and more. I have been blown away by the genorisity of our friends and family. But that is not why I was thankful to God, I was thankful because I know he is always there. I know he gave Wes the right words to say in the car last night and I know he blessed us with this little girl because he thinks we're ready to be the best parents we can be. I can't wait to see the little girl that our love created and see her Daddy look at her for the first time. Wow. What an amazing thing to think about.

God fixes things

2009-04-02T13:31:00.000-07:00

So the other day I was having a conversation with Wes's cousin about faith. We were discussing how comforting it is to know you have faith in a time of hardship, like with the recent passing of her grandmother. We were also discussing how we feel bad for people who don't have faith. We got on the subject of Wes and she asked me, "How is Wes's faith?" To which I proudly responded, "Great!" We got into a short discussion about this and she said to me, "So you straightened him out, got him all fixed up?" I said ,"Yes!", but then I quickly corrected and said, "No, I didn't fix him, God did." It was then that I realized that God can do amazing things, if you just let him in. If you open up your heart, let yourself be vulnerable, develop a relationship with Him and pray, anything is possible. Sometimes it's hard to see through the turmoil and struggles of everyday life to realize that God is answering prayers everyday. Although His answers may not be what you want to hear, often times He is still answering and guiding you to what is right, afterall he knows best. Although I don't have all the answers, nor does Wes, we're still very new to this relationship with God thing, we have come a long way together since our relationship began. I see the progress that we have made together and it makes me feel so full inside. So today I am relishing in the fact that God fixed Wes, so to speak and that answer to prayer in itself is awesome.

Preggo Pics!

2009-03-27T13:19:00.000-07:00

Just a little preview, my friend Tiffany did these shots for us this passed weekend. These are just a few previews! More to come! Check out more of Tiffany's stuff

at http://tcophotography.blogspot.com/2009/03/kristen-wes-and-baby.html

Realizations I had while on my walk around the loop

2009-03-23T11:04:00.000-07:00

1. College boys don't check me out anymore (from the front that is) from the back I still get the occasional hoots and hollers and then when they get past me and see the baby bump and they become immediately bashful that they were just attempting to flirt with an old pregnant lady. This is funny, yet sad at the same time.
2. Spring has sprung in North Carolina; the trees have green spurts of growth, the birds are chirping and the ocean air has a lot less of a chill.
3. My marriage is stronger now than it has ever been. I believe a part of this is due to the fact that we have created the miracle growing inside of me together and out of love.
4. Some people will always find something to complain about no matter how good life is.
5. I long for the day when I can have more than one sip of beer without feeling guilty.
6. I am obsessed with having everything in it's place in my house before going to bed. (oh how i know this will change in a month)
7. My husband's positivity and outlook on life make me smile everyday.
8. Sunday naps are awesome.
9. I wish I had the perserverence and stamina of my friend Amanda W.
10. I wish I didn't like to eat so much!
11. I am proud of how healthy and active I have been throughout my pregnancy.
12. I am scared to death of labor and more scared of having a new baby to care for.
13. I wish that the flower fairy would come to my house and pull all the weeds!
14. People smile at you a lot more when you are pregnant.
15. I can no longer fit into my Nike running shorts no matter how hard I try.
16. My small group have become some of the most treasured people in my life.
17. I respect and value my mother and mother in law more as my pregnancy progresses. What a big responsibility motherhood is.
18. My productivity level sky rockets if I forget to tell the barista to make it a decaf latte!
19. I think that not recycling is just plain lazy and selfish.
20. I made Orange Julius' last night and they were just as yummy as I remembered them in my childhood.
22. Baseball season has begun and that makes me crave nachos and hotdogs!
23. I wish that everday was Sunday so I could spend all my days with Wes.
24. Tower 7 makes the best shrimp tacos everrrrrrr.
25. I can't wait to meet our little girl and hold her and love her and rock her and share her with Wes.

Dependent

2009-03-11T08:29:00.000-07:00

I'm not so sure when or how I became so dependent on my husband, but it has happened and I'm not sure I like it. I used to be a really independent girl, making decisions and flying by the seat of my pants. I must say since marrying Wes I have totally changed into an indecisive, dependent girl! What the heck? On Friday I am leaving to fly to Pennsylvania for my first baby shower. Although I am totally excited for the first shower and to see most of my family I am also very hesitant to fly there on my own and leave Wes for three days. Just the other night while Wes's family was in town he stayed up late to watch baseball with his Dad and I went to bed. I could not fall asleep because he was not in bed with me. I just kept laying there waiting for him to come in. Our routine was out of whack and I did not like it. I try to tell myself that I am spontaneous, but that's a lie, I am a very routine type of girl! I don't know how I'm going to sleep this weekend by myself. Oh my, what a shame that I've become so accustomed to everything that just this small step outside of the box has me all up in arms.

On another note, the pregnancy is progressing fabulously. I had another doctor's apt. on Monday and all is well, although the baby might be breech! Yikes. She still has 8 weeks to turn herself the right way so I'm not really worried, especially since lately she is never still a minute. I relish in this miracle inside me everyday. I am still in awe that it is possible for me to be carrying our child inside of me. What a blessing. Thank you God. We have finished painting the nursery and baby gifts are beginning to arrive on our doorstep. We have also officially settled on her name and I really like it. It is southern and unique, yet not completely out there so to speak.

Things I am excited about for this weekend in Pennsylvania:
getting to spend some one on one time with my Mom;
seeing my family from California, Indiana, Ohio, and Georgia;
going to Philadelphia Chocolates, my favorite chocolate store ever!!!;
going to Quaker Steak and Lube, best restaurant in the town!
having our first baby shower!!! Yay!

2009-02-20T09:25:00.000-08:00

Perfection

2009-02-20T09:12:00.000-08:00

So as I sit here right now I am extremely anxious. I keep trying to tell myself not to be, that everything will be fine, but I can't help but be a little bit anxious, nervous, overwhelmed, etc. You get the picture. In a little over two months Wes and I will be parents. Wait, what?! How did this happen? I seem to remember deciding to try to get pregnant and now all of a sudden labor is only two months away!!! Woah~!!!!!! So I shouldn't be nervous because I had a doctor's appointment on Monday and I heard all wonderful things. The doctor said the word perfect so many times I almost peed myself, which now a days seems to be no big deal. Note to all the girls out there who are not pregnant but may be in the near future: In the months 6-7 of your pregnancy, be sure to empty your bladder frequently because with a 3 pound child resting on your bladder any sudden sense of emotion, a sneeze, laughter or things of those nature can make you pee just a little. That may be too much information for some people out there, but oh well, it's the truth. Anyway, back on track. I got measured, heard the baby's heart beat, got weighed, got my blood pressure checked and all that fun stuff on Monday. The weight came first, which always makes me nervous. I start analyzing the minute I step on the scale, am I doing too much, not enough, is she going to tell me I'm a fatso and I need to be on a diet, etc. The doctor said my weight is "perfect" Yippee! I have been working really hard to continue going to the gym at least 4 or 5 times a week or walkingthe loop and it's working. Next she measured me and listened to the babv's heart beat, saying, "sounds perfect!" Again, yay! Everything else looked good as well, but I still can't help but be anxious about if this baby will be completely healthy. Ahhh. We have finished painting the nursery and are going to put crown molding up this weekend. We have a crib that my wonderful husband assembled and have a changing table in mind. Things are coming together and the room is looking adorable. I am getting more excited everyday to meet our little girl. She is a high energy little thing, pushing around a lot in there to the point where I can see her little extremities hitting my belly. Friends of mine have told me that they miss being pregnant and I used to think that they were crazy, but now that I have this connection to this little girl growing inside of me I totally understand. I think I will be saddened when I am no longer pregnant that she is no longer with me all the time. I hope that I can be half the Mom my mother was to me to this little girl.

Dancing Queen with no jeans

2009-02-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

So every since Wes and I have been together I've wanted to take dancing lessons. Wes on the other hand; not so much. It's not that he doesn't like to dance because he can break it down. He has great rhythm and can shake his moneymaker. He just doesn't seem to be enthralled by a bossy lady giving him orders on how to do the two step, but our small group is going dancing this Friday night and so are we! While I'm super excited to learn some basic ball room dancing skills, I'm a bit nervous. I can't remember the last time I've been out to shake my booty, nor been dressed up enough to feel like dancing. My dress up attire includes work clothes which are by definition very boring! So, now I'm stressing out about what to wear on Friday night and if I can manage to wear a cute pair of heels in my 6 1/2 month pregnancy bliss. We shall see. Also, as many of you know, I have no cute jeans to wear. I am so sick of complaining about this I could scream, but still I cannot bring myself to spend 60 bucks or more on a pair of jeans that have a humongo panel in the front and will only be worn for 3-6 more months depending on how fast I bounce back into shape. Oh, this frustration is killing me. Why can't stores just carry a few pairs of cute maternity jeans in LONGS?! Is that too much to ask?! Hmph. So anyway, I'll probably wear my one pair of jeans that I own that fit, and some cute high heels to go dancing. I'll probably also be mildly frustrated upon starting to dance as Wes will be following right on key and I'll be stepping on his feet because he is just going to be better than me at dancing I just know it. I know this because he is more instrumental and sings way better than me. I guess I'll have to swallow my pride and just roll with it. I'm sure it will be fun either way. Babs McDance get ready, you're going to have a preggo with little rhythm and high heels on, things could get dangerous! :)

I love this song so much...

2009-02-02T13:48:00.000-08:00

Everyone needs compassion
A love that's never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
My Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me asYou find me
All my fears & failures
Fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender (I surrender)
My SaviorHe can move the mountains
My God is mighty to saveHe is mighty to save
ForeverAuthor of Salvation
He rose & conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light &Let the whole world see
We're singingFor the gloryOf the risen King
JesusYou're the SaviorYou can move the mountains
LordYou are mighty to saveYou are mighty to save
ForeverAuthor of Salvation
You rose & conquered the grave
Yes You conquered the grave

Generosity

2009-02-02T07:10:00.000-08:00

We are doing a four week series at church right now called MORE and the focus of the series is money; more specifically tithing and how gaining control of the financial aspects of your life can set you free in a way(See Matthew 6:24). Although Mike's main focus is on the tithe, his other side kick focus seems to be generosity and for me that hits home more. He asked the question at the beginning of the series, "What comes first, contentment or generosity?" For me my gut reaction was that generosity comes first and that makes me content, but looking back to reassess, that is not always the case. This series has forced me to look long and hard at what we spend money on, what we need, and what we don't have that we want and surely don't actually need. The other thing this series has done for me is to highlight what a generous person my mother is and how indebted I am to her for teaching me to be kind, to give to others, and to be generous with what you have. As most of my close friends know, my Mom raised me as a single mother and has never had a lot of money. As a matter of fact, she has worked three jobs at times to make sure I had a nice Christmas, got the Cheerleading shoes I wanted or had the homecoming dress of my dreams. She always made it work. She never complained and she never once let on to me that she was barely making ends meet. Looking back, however, as an adult I know that she struggled more often than not, however she never ever and still to this day has stopped giving. I wish that I was rich enough to give back to her all the money I made her spend on useless brand name items and things that I didn't really need. Anytime anyone is in need, my mom is there. Anytime someone dies, my Mom will be the first to bring their family a dish of food and send them a card. She would be the first to call and make sure they are doing ok. We never went to a church on a regular basis because we didn't have a way to get there, but when we did go to a church, even if we were just visitors at that church I remember my Mom putting money in the offering plate. Even if it was just one or two dollars, she would still put the something in. Recently, a father of one of her neighbors in the apartment complex she lives in died, although she does not know the family on a "friend" basis, she knows them and knows that they didn't even have enough money to have a funeral for their father. She immediately cooked them an entire italian dinner and took it to them. I'm sure she sacraficed something on her grocery list that she wanted to make this meal, but she did it anyway. She is the reason why I am a nurturer by nature and the reason I enjoy taking care of others and doing for others. Some people say that I often don't take enough time for myself, but taking times for others is all the more rewarding if you ask me. So this leads me back to the tithe. Although I do not feel faithful enough to be able to tithe 10% of our income, that does not mean I should give nothing. As Mike noted on Sunday he does not think God is concerned with the percentage that is coming out of our checks each month, he is more concerned with our intentions and our hearts. I think my heart is in the right place, now it's just time to put some of the money in that same place. Easier said than done, but if the opposite of faith is worry and I have vowed to worried less and have more faith, then I must give! (Matthew 6:25)

I can't get no satisfaction....

2009-01-29T08:08:00.000-08:00

"I can't get no satisfaction
Cause I try and I try and I try and I try.
I can't get no, I can't get no." Rolling Stones

That song just popped into my head when I sat down and decided to write. The other song that popped into my head is what Wes calls my theme song. It goes like this:

"I'm in a hurry to get things done.
Oh I rush and rush until life's no fun.
All I really gotta do is live and die.
But I'm in a hurry and don't know why. Alabama

So our church has come up with this thing called myoneword.org. Mike, our pastor, asked us to choose one word and reflect on it for the year. Think about it, pray about it and see how it works into our lives. Last year I was so indecisive that I never picked a word. Wes said it should be relax because I often forget to take time to do so, but I couldn't committ to that because I felt like that made me lazy. Hence the cycle of not relaxing repeated itself. I did get better about my compulsiveness and leaving some things for the next day when I became exhausted, but I definitely still have room for improvement.

This year I decided for my word that I would pick satisified. Why, you ask? Well because often times I find myself making endless to do lists, checking things off the list and then moving on to making another list, never taking time to be satisfied that I have accomplished what was on my first list. More in depth, however is that I seem to never be able to be completely satisfied with my life, which is ridiculous because I have a great life and it is definitely satisfaction worthy. I have a job, which lately seems to bea blessing in itself, I have a roof over my head, I'm healthy and I am so incredibly happy, mostly due to the fact that I am married to a wonderful man who has made many dreams come true and we continue to enjoy being with one another after almost 7 years. So, why the lust of moving on, moving up, getting one thing done to move to the next. I honestly don't know. I do know that there is always going to be somebody prettier than me, richer than me, with a bigger house than me and I should just get over it! I don't remember my mom being as much of a busy body as me or making incessant to-do lists around the house or being bored more often than not. I more so remember her being an organized, peaceful sole who could sit down and read a book after a long day and not feel guilty that she wasn't cleaning or doing something deemed more important, which by definition is obviously a matter of opinion. I think most women would say that a good book and a bubble bath are much more important than a clean house. :) I do know that she is one of the most selfless, kind souls I know. She taught me how to be a nurturer and for that reason I feel the need to take care of everyone else before I take care of me. I would much rather be doing something for Wes and making him smile than doing something for myself. That's just the way I am, but I still need to take time for me. In any event, Wes has taught me a lot about being satisfied. On more than one occasion I can remember him asking me to please sit down, to RELAX, to just enjoy the day for what it is. He is good at this and I should learn from him. In Matthew 6:25, the bible says, and Mike often references this in church,
Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? 26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
And as Mike always says the opposite of faith is worry. I consider myself to definitely be a person of faith, however obviously I have a long way to go. I need to let go of the wheel and remember that as long as I am walking with God he will provide. Just typing that I feel empowered. So with that in mind, I am trying to stress less and relish in the moments of my life more. Afterall, I am pregnant and the moments for just Wes and I alone are going to be far and few between so I should enjoy the quiet oneness that we share while I can, and be satisfied that I have a husband who reciprocates my unconditional love and a life worth living not just rushing through.

Hello 2009!

2009-01-02T09:04:00.000-08:00

As 2008 is over and 2009 has begun I find myself inclined to post a blog, mostly because I'm feeling soooo happy and I'd like to share the warmth. Although 2008 brought some sad events with it, for the most part it was a great year, just as every other year has been since I married Wes. We just have the best time. Yesterday, while standing in our kitchen we had a great moment of thankfulness with one another and I can't stop thinking back to that moment and smiling. What a wonderful feeling of love. This past year has been so fulfilling for both Wes and I, not just because I'm pregnant with our first child, but for many other reasons as well. First of all, we have found a church that we love and Wes has been going on a regular basis for a long time now. This makes me soooooooo happy. We have also made friends with some amazing people that are truly genuine, caring, people, and they make my world a brighter place. I believe Wes is finally in a position at work that he is enjoying and I am also enjoying my new job. Yesterday we began organizing our garage and making room for extra things out of our office which we are now converting into the nursery! What a great day we had organizing and fantasizing about how the nursery will look when finished! It's going to be so cute! We originally decided to do the room in black and white with accents of pink, but lately have been leaning towards a more beachy theme with green and pink seersucker! Oh what fun! To make New Years Day even more exciting I felt the baby move for the first time. What a weird, yet amazing feeling! I had just finished saying my prayers and her name was on the tip of my tongue as I thanked God for the blessing of her and then woooo there she was making waves in my belly. I am amazed daily at the miracle of pregnancy. This is truly one of the most exciting times of my life and I could not ask for a better partner to share this time with. So as 2008 is over and 2009 begins I have nothing but hopefulness for another wonderful year better than the ones that have past. It seems as though every year in our life just continues to get better! Happy New Year everyone!

It's a girl!

2008-12-17T07:04:00.000-08:00

I think I've had writer's block for a couple of weeks. I just haven't had anything to say on here, even though we found out that the baby is a girl! Yay! Now it's a she, not an it, which is much more real, yet still I'm having a lot of trouble warming up to the fact that in four short months we will have a little girl in our house. I thought for a long time that this baby was a boy, but I think i only thought that because people have told me that boys are much "easier" Wishful thinking. I have to admit though, I am excited for softball, dance recitals, and doing my little girls hair. For Christmas dresses, dolls, and all girlie things that entail childhood. I am also really excited about decking out the nursery not with "excessive pink" as Wes put it, but with accents of pink. After the first of the year I plan to get thenursery in order and start a registry, both sound very overwhelming to me right now! I think I better get through holiday mode first and then switch into baby mode! Just looking at lists of things that you might want or need for a baby makes my head spin! There are so many things and so little explanation as to what you actually need. My girlfriends have been a huge help, but still it is not going to be the easiest task to decide on all the excessive baby gear that is out there. I also pray that this child gets more of Wes's temperament than mine. As he is much more laid back and mellow than me. I am more high stress and I was known to give my Mother a bit of a hard time. Let's hope that doesn't come back to haunt me! Welcome to parenthood. Lord help me.

Love

2008-11-20T06:06:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking about love lately. We've been talking about love in our small group; what it means, how to show it, etc. and how different people define it differently. I've realized in the past couple of weeks that even in the most horrendous of circumstances, love can conquer all. Unfortunately, this month I was given the bad news that my father is dying. I don't write this on here because I seek pity, or encouragement, or any of that. I write it because I need to and because however horrible this situation is I believe it may offer hope in times when we feel there is none. Quite frankly, I fear for writing it here that people will smother me with kind thoughts, which sometimes is hard for me. I'm a tough girl and I think I can handle anything so when people ask me if I'm ok a lot it kind of wigs me out. In any event, getting back to the point, I was called by my Dad's wife and told that his condition has gotten worse and that the doctor's have given him anywhere from 1 to 6 weeks to live. WHAT?! How is this happening? I knew he was sick. He has been an alcoholic all of my life, struggling with treatment, in and out of facilities, quitting drinking, starting again, etc. About a year or so ago his doctor's told him if he did not stop drinking he would surely die, as his kidneys were beginning to shut down from all of the abuse. He did stop drinking, this year, in June, on my birthday actually, however it was too late.

All of this news brought about a cyclone of emotions for me. My father and I have never had the best relationship. We've had an on again off again relationship talking here and there and not talking for long periods of time. He would promise me he'd stop drinking and we would talk a lot, he would start drinking and then call me and yell at me for things that were obviously not my fault. It has been a strained relationship to say the least, however he is still my Dad. He gave me my blue eyes and my caramel colored skin. He is part of the reason why I love the beach so much, why I love mexican food and why I can mix up a mean bowl of guacomole. I think Mexican is the only food he ever cooked. He is a great guy when sober and he is a guy who has an addiction that he could never overcome and now it is killing him. I have forgiven him for these things, but that doesn't stop the hurt. As I type that I can barely contain the tears. I honestly never thought this would happen. I never thought that I would be told that this is how he would die. Call it denial, call it stupidity, call it what you want, I never thought I'd get that call, but I did. And then the guilt came. The guilt came falling down on me and I felt as though I would not be able to go on. The guilt of why Kristen, why didn't you do something sooner, why didnt' you try harder, why didn't you just ignore the fact that he was drunk all the time and go see him anyway? Why? Why? Why? Then came the anger. I got mad and thought, he is so selfish. He's always been selfish! This is one of the most fantastic times of my life, I'm four months pregnant and my life is good and now I have to deal with the fact that he is dying because he couldn't stop being so selfish and stop drinking! And I don't care! I wanted to scream. Then came the sadness. The reality that now I had to make the decision to go see my father and to have the last time I see him be in a hospital room where he is hooked up to all kinds of machines and barely coherent. I did not want to remember him like that. I want to remember him as the tan, brown haired, blue eyed guy that coached my softball team, that laid out in the sun with me, that took me to the fair. The sad reality is that this is it for him. And how horrible it must be to have to die like that. I would never wish a death like that on anyone. I made that decision to go. I think it was the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life, but with support from some very good friends and a wonderful husband I was able to make the decision to go. I'm sure you're wondering where love comes into this blog. This is where love comes in. I made the decision to go on a Thursday night and by the grace of God and the support of two wonderful friends, we left on Saturday morning for Daytona Beach to see my father. The first thing I felt when entering his hospital room was extreme anxiety. I haven't seen my Dad in about ten years and I had no idea what his reaction would be upon seeing me. His reaction was one of love from what I could tell. He had big tears in his eyes and was unable to speak. Then I felt the love. Love for my Dad. He's still my Dad and regardless of all the mistakes he's made in his life, regardless of how old he looked and how gray his hair was his eyes were still that cool blue color and his smile was still the same infectious one. We took lots of pictures with us to show him and talked about old memories and good times. Like when my Mom told my Dad we could play the games at the fair, but not to win anything and then we won a bunny! Or the time we attempted to sneak into a Beach Boys concert at that same fair. Or the fact that the only cassette tape my Dad had in his truck was Gloria Estefan. Ha! Those were some good times. I felt love for him, compassion for his wife, that she was watching him go through this and sadness that he was barely coherent enough to realize I was there. I felt the need to pray, to pray hard, for peace over him. To pray that God has forgiven him and he will lift him up into Heaven when the time is right.
Wes was with me this whole time and Wes solidified what love is this past weekend. Had he not been there I would have been an even bigger mess than I was. As I said at the beginning of this huge rant, love can be found even in deepest sadness and horrible times. The love that I felt for my husband this weekend as he was there to support me through this was unbelievable. I think it may have been a deeper kind of love than I have ever felt before. I have never in my life felt more connected to someone than I do with him. He is part of me. He is my rock, my partner in this crazy world, and my other half. I fell in love with him all over again this weekend as he held me while I sobbed all over him and covered his shirt in mascara, as he carried our bags in the airport, let me sleep on his shoulder on the plane, said we could get Starbucks as many times as I wanted, raced me on moving sidewalks to keep my spirits up. No matter what the circumstances, love is all you need.

Inspiration

2008-11-17T11:46:00.000-08:00

The other day when doing my normal walk around the loop at lunch I had an uplifting experience via another couple. They have no idea that they brightened my day, but they sure did. So I decided even though it was chilly like 60 degrees! haha, that I would still walk down onto the beach and near the water. Something about hearing the waves crash and breathing in the salty air that totally makes my day. So there I was walking down there and I see this older couple walking down a beach access. I would say they were in their late 60's. Very tan and carrying only towels, which led me to believe they were locals because if they were tourists they would have either been wearing floral shorts or carrying numerous bags of unneeded crap. Anyway, there they were, laughing, in their own little world, flirting with one another. How awesome, I thought. Look at them. I made up a whole story for them. I have no idea if any of it is true, but their story is. Married since their 20's, two children, four grandchildren, a dog, a house at the beach, retired and loving life with one another. After watching them for a brief second the wife said to the husband, come on we can do it and she took off her shorts and ran for the water where she dove head first into the frigid surf. BRRR! I was cold just watching. He stood on the sand laughing and then quickly followed her lead and in he went. When he was going to get in the water he passed by me and I said, "what a beautiful day!" to him. "Indeed," he said. I thought to myself, what a beautiful day indeed.

I love seeing other couples in love, especially older couples. It give me hope, it makes me smile, it makes me want to be them. 40 years from now and still head over heels in love with my husband, with two kids, two grandkids, retired at the beach, and a dog.

The innocence of children

2008-10-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

As most of you know I volunteer in our children's ministry called Grow Zone every weekend at church. I can honestly say that if I miss a Sunday I truly miss being there. The babies that I have in my room each week are just so innocent and love you unconditionally. There is nothing better than having a baby fall alseep in your arms. Anyway, this past Sunday was no different. I volunteered at the 10:30 service where I have been graciously upgraded to a "coach" which basically means that the girls I work with think that I am easy to approach and they've put me in charge of a few volunteers to help our program function better. I was quite honored to be asked to do this. Anyway, I volunteered and fulfilled my duties volunteering at 10:30 and just loved on all those babies. Then Wes met me to go to the 12:30 service. We were sitting behind a couple and their daughter who appeared to be maybe 5 or 6, yet very well behaved. She sat in between her parents with her pink purse, her Shamu stuffed animal and her package of bubble gum. She was quite attentive and quiet. I was impressed. Good parents I thought, their child is quiet in church, quite a feat! So as the service progressed and as I am an expectant mom, I of course was observing the little girl and her interactions with her parents, coming to the realization that some day that will be me, although my kid will probably be running up and down the aisle. Gosh , I hope not. So then we begin the offering and as I'm singing and observing I see the little girl get her purse out and reach inside. She then took out one quarter and placed it in the offering basket. She proceeded to beam as she looked at her Dad for confirmation. "That was nice." I believe he said to her. I about lost it, tears running down my cheeks. For that little girl to give a whole quarter had to be hard, but she did and she did it with such happiness. Aww, if I could only be 5 again where life was so easy and decisions came so quickly. It was such a great testament of good parenting and the instinctual innocence and kindness of children. After leaving church I heard a song by David Crowder and I believe it is entitled "What a Glorious Day" and what a glorious day yesterday was. I spent the rest of the day with Wes, not doing much, but with him nonetheless. That's always my favorite way to spend any day, with my husband.

Reflection

2008-10-02T06:08:00.000-07:00

It's funny how just a day or two can change your outlook on life, on what's going on around you. I've spent my last couple of days in a self-induced, pitying stage, worrying about my life; what's going to happen to me when this baby comes, how my life is going to change, if I'm going to be able to deal, if my relationship with my husband is going to be changed, if I'm going to have enough time for me, etc. This morning I'm not thinking about me anymore! My eyes have been opened and I feel blessed. I feel fabulous actually. I'm not nauseous, I actually feel pretty and the sun is shining bright. Life is good. I'm sick of feeling bad for myself.

Now for those of you that diagnosed me with OCD just the other day, you can now go ahead and diagnose me with being slightly bi-polar as well. As obviously I have drastically changed my tune from the other day. If I've learned one thing being pregnant it's not to get used to how you're feeling, because sure enough the next day you will feel completely different, both emotionally and physically.

Anyway, at our small group on Monday night we got to talking about God, his will (or desire as some like to call it) for our life and how there is so much more to look forward to than anything this earthly world can give us. That's huge if you think about it! That we are forgiven. God's grace is amazing. That as long as we choose to have a relationship with God and try to walk with him that we will be given the chance to enter into the kingdom of Heaven. The happiness and joy that will pour out of those golden gates of heaven is more than I can imagine, but I believe often times we all get so caught up in this life and the pressure society puts on us that we fail to acknowledge that there are bigger and brighter things to look forward to.

I am reflecting on all of this because of a caller on the radio this morning on my way to work. There I was driving to work, listening to K-Love and basking in my I'm pregnant and my emotions are out of control stage when my eyes were opened to this fleeting life we're living here on earth and I was reminded of a story my friend told at small group. The lady calling in to K-Love was calling to ask for prayers for her daughter who is in her 30's and has cancer that has spread to the bone. Her daughter has 4 daughters of her own and today was one of the daughters 9th birthday. The Grandmother calling in was on her way to her daughter's house to celebrate the birthday with the family. She talked of how her daughter is fighting hard and is a tremendous example of a woman. It broke my heart to hear this. The first thing I thought was why?! Why, why, why, does this happen to people. But then I remembered the story my friend at small group told, who had an aunt that prayed for God's will and months later she was diagnosed with cancer. She said that she knew this was an answer to her prayer. How crazy does that sound? Sounds insane to me, but then I remembered that both of these ladies will have the opportunity to enter into the kingdom of heaven much sooner than I will and that is a beautiful thing. Although I don't understand everything that happens on this earth I do know that I can find comfort in knowing that there is a bigger place far more rewarding than I could imagine and that if I continue to show God my desire to walk with him I will be accepted there. So today after thinking of those women, I feel empowered. If they can do it, I surely can and I can be a lot less selfish in living this life.

Transition* (*train of thought in this blog may be scattered)

2008-09-29T08:12:00.000-07:00

Anyone who says that pregnancy is bliss is lying! If you are not pregnant and planning on getting pregnant, do not let those crazy new mother's who are efficiently multi-tasking while telling you it is fool you. I have never in my life felt more displaced or out of sorts than the last 2 months. I do not feel like myself at all. It's bizarre actually. I mean to the outside world you cannot even tell I'm pregnant yet, if I didn't tell you, you wouldn't know, yet my body and soul are changing everyday, tremendously, and I'm not sure I like it.

Yesterday at church the message was on marriage. Some people might get squirrelly in their seats just thinking of discussing the topic. Maybe because their marriage isn't what they want it to be, or their marriage is falling apart, or their marriage is already over in their eyes. That's not the case for me. When Mike starts talking about marriage I get excited. I think of what I can use out of his message to make my relationship with Wes better. For the most part, we have a very well-rounded, normal marriage. We both do our parts in keeping things sane around our house, so when discussing marriage I am not the least bit uncomfortable. Yesterday, Mike said numerous things that ring true in our relationship, some of those being 1. I worry enough for the two of us, so Wes believes it's more efficient if he not worry at all! 2. I am definitely a responder, I respond to anything and everything that needs to be done, sometimes overly obsessively, and most importantly, 3. That marriage is a compromise and that if you don't both compromise and make efforts to serve God first and then one another that your relationship will probably not be fulfilled to it's potential. I took these things to heart and contemplated them. Yesterday our marriage was heavy on my heart all day until the end of the day when I had what I like to call a "pregnancy breakdown."

After hearing Mike's message and listening him talk about women being responders and men being "fixers" I began to freak out a bit. He said that this can sometimes lead to the problem of women responding to everything and men sitting back and watching. Let me admit, I WORRY OF THIS OFTEN. I worry that when we have a baby that I will be so responsive in making sure that everything is in order every day that I won't be able to relax and enjoy the baby growing up, that I won't be able to give Wes the pleasures of being a first time Dad and possibly not doing everything perfect.

On a different note, I worry about our relationship never being the same again. I had the eye-opening realization yesterday that after May it will never be just Wes and I ever again. We can't just pick up and do what we want when we want because we will have another little human to account for and although that makes my heart so happy in a way it also scares the living crap out of me. What if I can't deal? What if I'm just not a good Mom? Do you see the compulsive worriness that I described earlier coming out. Good thing Wes isn't a worrier or we'd have to be committed!! I mean seriously, parenthood is a huge responsibility and I don't think I fully realized what I was getting myself into when I stopped taking those little pills every night.

As if the emotional rollercoaster and overwhelming desire to cry over everything isn't enough to make you feel crazy, try being barraged with a multitude of physical changes at the same time! I mean I am hungry while I am eating! How is that possible?! I am hungry an hour after I've just eaten dinner, I am hungry when I wake up, I am hungry all the time! This would be fine if food looked appetizing to me at all these times, however most of the time I'd rather gag then indulge in any food, in less of course it's fried and then I'm down with it. All the things I used to love before being pregnant now gross me out. To name a few things, m&ms, broccolli, cottage cheese, egg and cheese sandwiches, turkey, etc. So now what doe a girl like this do to eat something healthy for lunch.? AH so annoying! Not to mention the problem with not being able to exercise as I did before being pregnant. I was used to running at least 3 or 4 times a week, playing softball and volleyball. I never imagined it would be this difficult to get over not being able to do these things. It almost brings me to tears just typing about it. I can now walk for excercise or use the eliptical. Both sound like loads of fun, right? Oh and I also can now only lift 30lbs all together on both arms. I'm used to lifting 60 or 70, so lifting 30 is a real joke. So I'm trying to make the best of it and walk the loop everyday at lunch, as well as do cardio at the gym after work so I don't end up looking like the Pillsbury Dough Woman.

So the whole volleyball thing leads me back to the whole marriage thing where I am paranoid for the change in our relationship when we welcome baby. So last night at volleyball there is a very cute youngish couple there with their two kids, a 5 year old and then a little boy who looked to be around 4 or 5 months. The Mom is taking care of the kids and faithfully supporting the Dad who is on the volleyball court. At first I thought,Aw, how cute. Then the mother (around 8 o'clock) tells the Dad ok we have to go now, it's getting late. And she packs up the kids and leaves the Dad there. Most of you I'm sure are like ok, big deal. For me this was disturbing. Wes and I have been playing volleyball together for 5 years. I do not want to give that up. That is some major character building that we indulge in every week when playing a sport together. I about burst into tears just seeing her leave. Ok, so I can still play volleyball after I deliver a baby, i can be different than that Mom, but at the time it seemed like she was saying to me, "Hey Kristen, welcome to reality, life as you know it is over!" For me this was tramautizing. I like hanging out with Wes, a lot. We like doing things together. I can't fathom having multiple nights a week where he's doing his thing and I'm doing mine. We just don't work that way. We do stuff together, not because we're forced, because we like it. And now I'm facing the, do I go to volleyball and just hang out because I want to hang out with Wes, or do I go do something else because it drives me crazy not to be able to play. Oh and one last thing on that note, I can't indulge in a Blue Moon either. I mean seriously If I'm going to sit on the sidelines all night the least I could do is have a beer.

I'm sure after reading this people may think that I am a couple of things, 1. selfish, 2. OCD, 3. a person suffering excessive worrying, 4. COMPLETELY CRAZY, but I don't care. I feel like that some days. I had to get it all out before I exploded.

To those mothers out there who are reading this and thinking, wow, she's really a selfish person You're probably right. For 22 years all I worried about was me and for 6 years all I've worried about is Wes and me. Now I'm about to throw another person to worry about into this mix, but this time, they're not able to fend for themselves. It's completely up to Wes and I to mold them into a good human being. I am excited about seeing our child in my arms and I'm sure all of this will fade by the time our baby comes, however, right now, this whole pregnancy thing is enough to drive me insane!

Wedding Song

2008-09-25T12:14:00.000-07:00

This is our wedding song below. I believe it truly personifies the relationship that I have with my husband in many beautiful ways. I kept thinking about this song all day yesterday and today and how I just love the words in it. I had to post it.

Baby I've been searching like everybody else
Can't say nothing different about myself
Sometimes I'm an angel And sometimes I'm cruel
And when it comes to love I'm just another fool

Yes, I'll climb a mountain
I'm gonna swim the sea
There ain't no act of God girl
Could keep you safe from me
My arms are reaching out
Out across this canyon
I'm asking you to be my true companion True companion True companion

So don't you dare and try to walk away
I've got my heart set on our wedding day
I've got this vision of a girl in white
Made my decision that it's you allright
And when I take your hand I'll watch my heart set sail
I'll take my trembling fingers
And I'll lift up your veil
Then I'll take you home
And with wild abandon
Make love to you just like a true companion
You are my true companion I got a true companion True companion

When the years have done irreparable harm
I can see us walking slowly arm in arm
Just like the couple on the corner do '
Cause girl I will always be in love with you
And when I look in your eyes
I'll still see that spark
Until the shadows fall
Until the room grows dark
Then when I leave this Earth
I'll be with the angels standin'
I'll be out there waiting for my true companion
Just for my true companion True companion True companion

Fall is here!

2008-09-24T12:31:00.000-07:00

I may be speaking too soon, but I think Fall might be here! We have been sleeping with the doors open for the last few nights and this morning when I woke up I was actually cold. I looked at the thermostat and it was only 65 degrees in our house! Craziness. I must say after the heat this summer I am totally excited for some fall temperatures. It's weird to think that three years ago today I was standing on the beach getting married and it was about 95 degrees and 100% humidity. Today in Wilmington it's about 70 at most. I am super excited to be celebrating three years with Wes. The years just get better and better. We are going to Yosake tonight to celebrate and I cannot wait for some Firecracker shrimp. I am excited to wear my jeans, heals and a sweater downtown! I am also excited for apple pie, pumpkin spice lattes, hot apple cider, fires, hayrides, carving pumpkins, baking cookies, wearing hoodies and jeans, planning my Thanksgiving bash, and all the other fun things that come with fall. I love being able to leave the windows open and smelling the cool air blow through the house. As much as I am definitely a summer girl at heart the first days of fall sure do make me happy, too!

Baby Bechtel

2008-09-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

So I've been on a blogging hiatus, so to speak. Sorry! I'm getting complaints from people! The only thing I've wanted to blog about for a month is being pregnant, however, I was waiting to blog until after we had our first doctor's appointment and my pregnancy was officially confirmed by a doctor to blog about it. The two Clear Blue Easy's were not convincing enough for me. So folks, here it is! And let me tell you the idea of being pregnant has still not officially set in. My body for the most part (minus the blossoming bosom) is still the same. I feel great physically. The only thing holding me back is the nausea that comes and goes as it pleases. At first it was the early morning that was the worst, but now it's quite random throughout the day and most times induced by the smell of randome things, ie: meat, raw or cooked, but especially bacon, lettuce, weird right, most people think lettuce doesn't smell, but if you're pregnant everything smells!, bagels, coffee, taco soup, etc. All of these things have induced gagging in me recently. I also have a problem with being completely starving, cooking a meal and then looking at it and thinking, haha yeah right, there's no way I'm eating that, which is very frustrating!!! Anyway, minus the nausea I feel exactly like my old self. I look at my stomach and think is this really possible, is there something growing in there even though I feel no different? I will say the ultrasound was totally amazing and of course brought a tear to my eye. It was insane to see the tiny heart beating and I am forever thankful that God blessed us with a pregnancy so quickly after we started trying. I did not want to be one of those girls who had been trying for two years and now was forcing her husband to drop his drawers on days of the month that she suspected ovulation. Whew. As Wes and I say, lucky for us we watched a lot of the Olympics and his little swimmies were watching Michael Phelps the whole time!!!! hahahaha! TMI people, sorry.

Anyway, we are blessed and we are super excited to be parents in 9 months. I haven't felt this happy in years. I mean truly happy, truly filled up inside. I told Wes I feel like I did the day we got married everyday now. Just joyous and proud and so honored to be carrying our child. With that said, I won't gag any of you with anymore mushy comments about this.

Labor Day Weekend

2008-09-04T13:32:00.001-07:00

In Pennsylvania, growing up, Labor Day was basically the last weekend of summer. Days were getting shorter and temperatures were getting cooler and school was either back in session or about to start back up. For me it was always a sad time because as previously mentioned in numerous other blogs, I love summer! Here it's not so much a symbol of anything besides less tourists, which is always good for us locals. Pretty cool that I'm now a local in this town. Anyway, sometimes I tend to have high expectations for long weekends and tend to want to plan, plan, plan and load our schedule with way too many things to do in three days. This past weekend, however, I didn't let myself do that. Matter of fact, I planned a few things and they fell through and it didnt' bother me at all! We did not do much of anything this weekend besides relax, soak up the sun at the beach, and enjoy each other's company. It was great. I can't remember the last time Wes and I had a three day weekend together and didn't have any obligations or weren't traveling somewhere. This schedule of him working on Saturdays is for the birds, but we'll get through it. So, not much to say besides that I'm thankful for a wonderful husband who I truly enjoy. We are the best of friends and often find that we enjoy hanging out with one another even if we're doing nothing. We can make anything fun as long as we're together. We make a great team and it makes me so happy to go through this life with him. I am so thankful to God for bringing us together and giving me an amazing man to walk with in this crazy world.

2646 Ivanhoe Rd.

2008-08-26T11:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I decided that we would have cheeseburgers on the grill for dinner and asked Wes to cut up a cucumber, onion, and tomato and throw some olive oil and vinegar and spices on it for a summer salad to go along with them. We also had sweet potato fries. Yummy! The burgers were so good and my mouth is watering thinking of them. Wes asked me about the salad, he said, "Where did you get the idea for this salad, did you just make it up or what?" It was then that a myriad of memories flooded into my brain, all stemming from that salad. I told him that I hadn't made it up, but that my Grandma and Mom always made it with dinners in the summertime at my Grandparents house. The reason being was that my Grandfather always had a garden and it always yielded large amounts of tomatoes, cucumbers, peppers and sometimes onions in the summer! Sometimes we even had multiple different kinds of peppers. I used to help my Grandpa plant that garden and plant all the marigolds to help keep the bunnies from eating the plants! Then I used to eat the tomatoes once they were ripe. My favorite time to eat them was in the afternoon when they were warm from the sun. See, since my Mom was a single Mom and we lived across town from my Grandparents it was almost routine that we would go stay with my Grandparents at their house on the weekends in the summertime mostly. I absolutely loved this. It was like going on vacation every weekend. I got to pack my clothes and toys into suitcases and go to stay with them where we always had a great time. Weekends at my grandparents included lots of great things. For one you could always count on Grandpa's breakfast. He liked to cook breakfast and had a good friend, named Ted McIntyre, that used to wake him up by telling him, "Larry, get up, the day's half shot!" Even though he would be waking my Grandpa up at 630 am. Ted was a great guy and had one of those Scottish terriers that I really liked. My Grandpa used to get up and start cooking breakfast (the only meal he ever cooked) and I can remember laying in my bed smelling the bacon frying. He would then come into my bedroom and tickle my toes to wake me up. If I didn't get up soon he would yell, "Krissy, come on the day's half shot!" which I found so amusing! We would have breakfast together at the table and on Saturdays head outside to play. I can remember from a very small age my Grandfather carrying me around their big yard and letting me touch everything. We used to find baby blue Robin's eggs in bird's nests in the big evergreen trees and rabbits homes under the bushes. We used to dig in the dirt for night crawlers for my Grandpa to take fishing. My favorite memories in the summer were those of when my cousins were home from Florida and we would all stay at my Grandparents house, lined up in sleeping bags on the living room floor. We would often wake up to my Grandma (who claimed she wasn't hard of hearing) in her chair in the corner with the TV on blaring! At night we would go to sleep while she sat in her chair and sang us songs. Those are some of the best memories I have. We would play all kinds of sports in the yard, as well as capture the flag, ghost in the graveyard, hide and go seek and anything else that involved running and screaming. We would also play in my Grandpa's boat and pretend to drive it. The best, though, was when my cousin Jasmine and I would pretend to host a cooking show, in our sand box. We had bowls and fake cake pans and cooking utensils and we would pretend to bake cakes, all the while putting on a demonstration and talking in our cooking show host voices.(it was like a bad combination of Justin Louis (that Lousiana guy) and Julia Child) We would then force my Uncle Butch to video us while doing so, so that we could later watch the video. After dark, we thought it was the coolest thing ever to hang out in the basement and play video games or what not. We would also use the video camera (which was so huge at the time it was hard to carry) and make music videos while using the hose from the vacuum as a microphone. We performed numerous Wilson Phillips videos and also choreographed a ton of dances to the Hungry Eyes song and every other song from Dirty Dancing. Oh my those were the days! We had so much fun. On Sundays, sometimes, I would go to church with my Grandparents. They went for a long time together, but later in life as my Grandma got ill my Grandpa would go alone. I liked to go with him. I always felt bad when I saw other older people at church alone or out to eat alone. Grandpa would sometimes take me out to breakfast if I went with him or sometimes to lunch. If we went to lunch we always went to McDonalds because it was my favorite and my Grandpa would let me get chicken nuggets and a cheeseburger because I could not make up my mind. In the evenings we would always watch baseball and if there wasn't a Pirates game or Indians game on TV then we would sit out in the breezeway and listen to it on the radio. Lots of times my Grandpa would be watching one game and listening to another. I have no idea how he did it, but he managed to keep stats on both games at the same time. We would have peanuts and root beer floats or even Drumsticks! He instilled my love of the game of baseball and still to this day I think of him everytime I enter a Major League Stadium. I used to love the Atlanta Braves and he would get so worked up when I would root for them over the Indians. Actually I really just loved Chipper Jones and had the biggest crush on him. Sometimes we'd even play checkers. Grandpa never ever let me win. He beat me everytime. I remember once hearing my Mom say, "Dad, just let her win one time." He said, "What will she learn from that?" I'll never forget that. Then I tried even harder to beat him, but never did. We had a grand old time together. I have so many fond memories I could go on forever, but I shall stop here. It's sad that Wes never got to meet either of my Grandparents or my cousin Jasmine, they surely would have loved him. Jasmine would surely have given him a hard time, but that was just her way. My Grandfather especially would have been pleased with Wes's love for the game of baseball and his love for his grandaughter.

Be still

2008-08-25T07:48:00.000-07:00

I must say that after being married for almost three years (it will be three years September 24th!, yay!) things can tend to get a tad bit mundane. I mean seriously you can only "surprise" one another with nice things so many times before they in turn also become routine, which bothers me a great deal. Although I am a stickler (word?) for routine, routine also annoys me. I know I'm crazy. I mean don't get me wrong I like to go to walk the dogs in the morning, go to the gym at lunch, run the loop after work, make dinner, talk with Wes and read before bed on a daily basis and I freak out when this routine gets messed up, but the thought of my married life, my relationship with Wes, becoming routine really freaks me out. However, it is virtually impossible for this not to happen after years of being together, so I think any couple must take the proper actions to avoid having a boring relationship and put a lot of effort into keeping the relationship fresh and new!

Wes and I both have been slacking in this area for sure. I often try to blame him for this, however I do need to take the blame for part of it. I get so caught up with making sure that everything in our house is in its place, lunches are made, dinner is on the table and the dogs are walked that if he were to say let's just go do this or that on a week night I'd be like ah, but it's a week night and then my routine will get messed up. AAAAAAAh it's like a vicious cycle. So anyway, on Friday night,even though I had planned to cook dinner and even though the chicken already defrosted and even though we probably shouldn't be spending money on dinner we went down to the beach instead. We walked and walked on down the beach for I dare say a couple of miles. The temperature was perfect. There was barely anyone out there and I was excited when I realized that the days of tourists are winding down and the days of fall are drawing near and we could find solitude on the beach. We got it, barely a soul in sight. It was great. After walking for a while and heading back up the beach to Tower 7 for dinner we stopped and hugged and just stood there on the beach, eyes closed, breathing in the salt air. It's nice to just take a minute out of the routine days in your life and thank God. Mike reminded me of this on Sunday when he said that God says, "Be still and know that I am God." For me being still is nothing short of a miracle! If I am still you can probably bet that I am sleeping on most occasions. But on Friday night I was still and I could feel God's warmth all around me. I turned around to tell Wes how happy I was that we had taken the time to come down to the beach when he quickly said to me "Shhh, I'm praying." My heart melted. You have no idea what it sounds like to hear your husband say that to you after so many years of wondering if he ever, ever would. No idea. The feeling inside my heart was so overwhelming I thought that my chest might burst. I feel as though I've almost gotten all over the top with my talk of God as of late, but it's so hard not to talk about him when he is ever so present in your life. I hope I don't freak anyone out, but really this blog is as much for me to vent and express my feelings then anything, and I'm not obligating anyone to read these ramblings, so I can say whatever I want, right? Right. Anyway, we had a great night out for dinner and my marriage has been renewed!

The ocean is my strength.

2008-08-21T11:50:00.001-07:00

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures:he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in thepaths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of theshadow of death; I will fear no evil: for thouart with me; thy rod and thy staff theycomfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in thepresence of mine enemies: thou anointestmy head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me allthe days of my life; and I will dwell in thehouse of the Lord for ever.
psalm 23 - bible - psalm of david

I thought of that verse today as I was walking and being snotty and wanting things that I don't need or even really want just wanting and wanting to be somewhere else, anywhere else today besides work, besides in my life. I don't even know why, I'm happy, I am, I was just agitated and being self-pitying and crabby. So on the days I feel like this I walk...
and I think, I just I don't want to be here, Idon't want to do this, why do I have to work, why is this week so annoying? And to top it all off, my face is still fat. So I walked and I walked all the way right down to the beach and then I stood and I stared out at the ocean, waves crashing, storm looming, salt water rushing up under my toes and I breathed in a deep, deep breath. And I was fine. I am fine! The ocean is my friend! It is vast and beautiful and freeing. I walk the loop at lunch and everytime I walk down to the beach and put my feet in the sand , I am reminded that I live here! At the beach, I do! Sometimes it's like a dream, but then once I'm down there it's so real and so cool that I do live here in North Carolina, at the beach, where I've always wanted to live. Pretty cool. And today I shall not want anymore.

You find out who your friends are...

2008-08-19T08:01:00.000-07:00

Over this year we've had some pretty amazing things happen to us and we've had to endure some pretty tough things as well! For example, Wes's back surgery and his grandmother's passing, along with my not so happy weekend of recovering from my wisdom teeth surgery. Wes has already blogged about this, however I thought of it first so I'm going to as well! You really do find out who your friends are when bad things happen and it makes me smile to see all the wonderful people we now call friends in this town support us in times of pain. When Wes had his back surgery in January, we had an outpouring of friends show up at our house with cookies, dvds, movies, soup, flowers, you name it. Everyone brought something. Everyone called, texted and wanted to know as soon as he was out of surgery how he was. They cared. Genuinely. I get choked up just thinking about it. When Wes's grandmother died and we had to make an unexpected trip to Pennsylvania for a week we got outpouring of cards and flowers. We had the most flowers at the funeral home! Now I'm not trying to set a record or anything, but the entire family was going on and on about how we must just have wonderful friends in this town and they're right, we do! Now this passed weekend, when recovering from my wisdom teeth, I noticed again the care and concern that each of my friends expressed individually to me to make sure I was ok. I am ok, chipmunk face still intact, I'll get over it. And thank you to everyone who called, sent me flowers, brought me baskets of soft treats, texted me, and sent their love via the web. Thank you so much. Last night at our small group for PC3 we split into guys and girls as we do sometimes, which I always love because it gives us girls more time to chat! I was so excited to share in both the joys and concerns that each of my friends expressed. Oh what joys we had last night! I am so happy to be there for these girls in their lives and I am happy to have them in my life to share my joys and concerns with. My friend Gina is having quite a hard time with bedtime rituals as of late and it breaks my heart to see her have to sit and listen to her boys cry while trying to figure out the right way to put them to sleep. I feel better, though, knowing that my prayers may be helping her through this tough time in her life and I am happy to call her my friend and show her my support. I told her last night, Girl, I give you credit, I couldn't do it! I need some practice before my kids are 2! Whew! But she is a beautiful person and she is doing great, as is her husband. I am so thankful, as I said for them, and for being able to pray for them as a family and for all my friends in this town who I can care for and show concern for, just as they have for me.

The Coast of Carolina...

2008-08-14T15:24:00.000-07:00

As yet another year has passes me by, I just had my 28th birthday in June, I find myself reflecting quite a bit; thinking about where I've come from, where I've been, where I want to be in a few short years and what the future holds. As I sit here on my living room couch, with the cool breeze (yes you heard me right, I said cool breeze and it's August in North Carolina, can I get an alleluia!?) blowing upon my face, through the open windows, I must say looking back and looking ahead I can do nothing but smile. I never imagined I would be this happy at the young age of 28. Summer of course always makes me happy. I don't know if I have always loved summer because my birthday was in the summer or if I loved it simply because it is such a warm, care-free season, full of vacations and fun with friends and family every year. As a young child summer was always something to look forward to, first of all because school was out, but more so because it meant summer softball league, going to the Rec pool with friends, going to Buhl Club dances, playing hide and go seek in the yard, catching fireflies and putting them in a jar to light up your room, only to realize that you did not shut the jar tightly enough and now they are crawling on your mother's curtains and she is freaking and the most exciting reason, going to our camp in the Allegheny Mountains with my whole family. That is one thing I always looked forward to and looking back something I will always miss now that my family is dispersed all over this country and everyone's responsibilities have taken over, and we no longer get together there anymore. It's sad to me that that tradition has been lost, but in retrospect, the memories I made there long ago as a child will forever be in my heart and looking back at them I cannot help but smile.

Ah yes, summer. Summer means an array of things now as an adult, although it still means summer softball (yes I still play!). It also means summer volleyball for Wes and I, beaching and boating with friends, inviting visitors to come enjoy our town, cook-outs, camping trips, canoeing trips, traveling to as many baseball games as we can, walking the loop, walks on the beach and just enjoying the warm weather and sticky evenings in this Coastal Carolina town. I often find myself thanking God repeatedly when walking at the beach. I look out over the vast waters and think to myself how absolutely amazing that this body of water exists and I thank God for sharing it with me and for the sunshine on my face and for the breath in my lungs. Ah, yes Summer, it makes me so very happy. Just a breath of salt air and all my worries flutter away. Wilmington is now home to us, after 5 years of amazing memories and significant changes in our lives, we now call this town home and I couldn't think of another city I would want to spend my summers in.

Extinguished Existence

2008-08-08T07:13:00.000-07:00

I came to a very sad realization the other day as I was updating my address book and that is that Wes's grandmother is really gone. You see what happend was Wes's cousin sent me an email with her new address and said they had moved. I opened up my nifty little Family Address spreadsheet and inserted her new address in the block with her name. When doing this I realized that Wes's Grandmother's address was just above hers. So I erased it. Then I thought, wow, just like that and she's gone. So weird. She is really gone. She no longer "exists" so to speak, well at least in an earthly world. She now exists among the angels and I believe is now probably playing scrabble with some friends among the clouds or baking some cookies for the others in heaven or maybe even playing cards with my grandparents because now that Wes and I are married they are friends. Oh yes I like that thought, my heart is smiling thinking of it.

You see it's hard to realize that she's really gone because we never saw her here. With the exception of our wedding, we only saw her in Pennsylvania,usually at her house, cooking, giggling, watching her grandkids and making sure that all of her family was together and happy and full. Man that woman loved to cook. She was a wonderful, wonderful, woman with a heart of gold and she surely is missed. I wish that we would have had more time with her, I wish that she could have seen our children, her great grandchildren, but I am happy to know that she did at least get to see one great grand child in her life time. I wish that life wasn't so fleeting here on earth. In a blink of an eye people that you love can be gone. Sometimes very unexpectedly. I am so happy that I wrote her all the notes that I did and that she sent me many recipes and updates on her weather and that she made good use of the slippers that we bought her for Christmas after shoveling her own walk. She loved those slippers. Such a simple thing and she was so grateful.

It makes me think of so many memories of my grandparents and how much I miss them and how I now cherish the time I had with them so much more. Oh how I wish that I would have sacrificed more nights out with my friends to just sit at my Grandparents house and watch baseball with my Grandpa or play cards with my Grandma with the big faced,numbered cards because she could hardly see them. I wish that I could go back to a time where life was innocent and care free and I had not a worry in the world and I was woken up by my Grandpa tickling my toes and the smell of bacon on a Sunday morning. I remember all the holidays at my grandparents house, Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas, cooking feasts in the kitchen with my grandma, aunts, and mom, side by side, squabbling over who was making what and what time we should eat and who would even show up. I miss hearing my Grandfather laughing in the next room over all the women in the kitchen and how loud we were. I used to take my grandpa all the Christmas cookies that my grandma called "criminals" which meant they were just the least bit too brown, or the icing wasn't just right and my grandpa would get to eat those ones right then instead of waiting for the holiday to come! Oh those were the days. I remember hiding the Christmas cookies in the breeze way (the screened porch attached to their house) so that my uncles wouldn't find them and eat them all. In Pennsylvania in the winter time you can leave cookies just out in the breezeway because it stays so cold out there that the cookies stay frozen! After my grandparents passed away all of these traditions started to dwindle away as well and it makes me so sad to think of that loss of a central meeting place for our family. These are just a few things I remember about my Grandparents, I could go on for ages. But with those memories in tow, when meeting Wes's grandma, I knew that the traditions that she had in place had to be respected and that we must go to her house just like Wes did as a kid every Christmas. I am so happy looking back now that I was not one of those wives who drags their husband away from his family on holidays. I am so happy that last Christmas we were there, with all 20 some of us crammed into her small dining area, aunts and uncles smooshed at the kids table and me straddling a table leg at the end of the table and Wes's elbow poking his sister in the arm. It may not have been comfortable and the conversations may have been awkward, but looking back it is such a warm, warm memory that I will cherish for a lifetime. I hope that someday when my children have children and I am a grandparent that they love me as much as I loved Wes's grandmother and my grandparents. Then I will not care when my existence is extinguished for I will have shown them what love is.

What are we waiting for?

2008-08-05T06:26:00.000-07:00

Cultivate Change. That's the title of our most recent series at Port City Church and I must say Mike's words have caused me to dig deep within my soul and contemplate how I might change this world, if even just a little bit. I have been thinking about my "soil" so to speak and if it is good soil because we have also talked about this in recent weeks. I might be a bit biased, but I think my soil is good. It might not be great soil, it might not be like the package of Miracle Grow potting soil that turns your basil plant into a basil bush that takes over your whole front yard, but it is definitely good soil. Soil that can grow many things with a little attention and the desire to grow something magnificent.

The weekend before last, the Port City service was centered around the song Waiting on the World to Change, by the ever so popular, I've dated every pop icon, model, and singer there is in the last 6 months, John Mayer. I must say I was a bit skeptical when learning of this. You see, now that Wes is super cool and a part of the production team at Port City, he gets the list of songs for the service before anyone else, which basically makes him a super star. Now I told Wes just because he knows the songs beforehand doesn't mean I want to, but alas he was listening to the songs in the living room and I happened to over hear Waiting on the World to Change, which of course caught my attention. My first reaction was, that's not a Christian song!! I thought about it and wondered how Mike was going to use this song to convey his message and then to be honest, I forgot about it. Then come Sunday I was astonished at just how well the song fit with the service and just how great Chad sounded up there rocking it out.

So that leads me to the title of this blog, what are we waiting for? What am I waiting for? Since I've moved to Wilmington and starting going to church again on a regular basis I must say that a fire is burning from within. I feel God prodding me and pushing me to do something, what that is I do not know, but I do know it's more than just going to church, more than just volunteering for Grow Zone, but something bigger. For a type A personality, perfectionist kind of girl like myself, it is extremely difficult to not know exactly what it is God wants me to do. After listening to Mike talk about how everyone in this generation is just waiting for the world to change (just like the song says) and waiting for someone else to pave the way for them, waiting for life to get a little easier, or for things to fall into place, so then their life will be complete, I realized that that is not what life is all about. Even if every single piece fell into place, our puzzles will be far from complete if we are not still yearning for a relationship with Jesus Christ. I wanted to stand up and yell, stop waiting, do something! I did not, however, for fear that Wes would run from me in embarassment and never attend another Port City service with me ever again. But I did pray and reflect on this message and I've been praying about it ever since. I've been praying, that God, doesn't let me wait around and let my life pass me by without thanking Him everyday for everything I have and without working hard to make a change in this world. I pray for the faith and trust to let go of the wheel, and let Him drive me to what it is He has waiting for me because in the end that's all that matters.

Dog Days of Summer...

2008-07-31T09:18:00.000-07:00

My dogs rule! Let me just first say that. We have come a long way with them, from not being able to leave the front door to our house open for fear they would run off and never come back, to being able to leave the front door wide open the entire time we unload groceries without them running out. From being afraid that Brollie would plow a two year old straight over, to him only wanting to obsessively sniff them. From being drug around the block with the dogs full speed ahead of me, to them walking properly right next to me. From barking incessantly at every frog that jumped, to simple whining due to the over stimuli of two new puppies on each side of our house. This is pretty cool!!! We have progress folks. The key to raising anything well, I do believe, whether it be a hamster, a duck, a dog, or a child, is consistency. I could write a book on this aspect of raising any living being. I swear, consistency, it works. Anyway, back to my dogs... Since Wes's schedule changed I have been getting up with him in the morning and then walking our dogs at the early morning hour of 6:30 am. At first this happened simply because Brollie was so hyper and bouncing off the walls I thought that I had two choices, 1. knock him out, or 2. walk him a long way and get rid of some of this energy before I left him unattended while working all day and thus our journey began. I decided that since it's normally a blazing 90 some degrees when I get home from work that walking in the morning is a much better idea. So we began the routine of walking every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at 630 am. This has been going on for months. It never ceases to amaze me that every morning my dogs are so excited when they see me pick up a pair of socks or shoes or move the leashes because socks, leashes or sneakers obviously = walk. No matter what that is the equation and that is final. I think to myself every morning, come on, seriously, you're still excited for this? It's the same thing every day! It's inevitable, yet you still get so hyped up! Then I thought to myself, wow, pretty cool. I should strive to be more dog like, to appreciate the everyday things in my life that I often take for granted and to be grateful for life. To slow down as Mike always says at church and enjoy what I have. This morning and often times in the morning or when I'm outside anywhere, I find myself thanking God for life, for my dogs, for the ability to breath the fresh air and feel the sunshine on my face and for my legs to carry me on a 45 minute walk every morning. My dogs are truly grateful to me for this walk and I am grateful to them for showing me that simplicity and routine sometimes is bliss. It also never fails that when I come home, no matter how early or how late, they are ecstatic to see me, they greet me with wagging tails and happy energy every single day, even though I've come home the same way the day before. Pretty cool. Although they're just dogs (as some people like to put it), they are my dogs, they are a part of me. They make me happy beyond belief. I love them so much that I often have a difficult time leaving in the morning because they sit by the door and look at me like don't go! We have attended many a dog class back in the day when I thought I wanted to just scream because they were so frustrating, but today I can truly look ahead to parenthood and think that I might be able to raise some pretty well rounded children if I could raise two super smart dogs. Although Brollie still randomly rips my mini blinds down and Eva still sometimes decides it would be a good idea to bathe herself in saliva on my freshly laundered down comforter, they are still the best dogs ever! I love them for motivating me to walk them every morning and to enjoy the simple things in life that are free and full of love, such as a simple summer morning walk.

I love Wilmington

2008-07-29T07:44:00.000-07:00

So moving to Wilmington, North Carolina has proven to be one of the best decisions Wes and I ever made. For those of you that don't know the story of our move to the ILM here's long story short. Wes just graduated from IUP in Indiana, PA and I just graduated from Gannon in Erie, PA. Our roomates from college were dating. I was still living with my roomate from college. They fixed us up. We hit it off. I talked Wes into moving to Erie, PA where I lived, after several grueling months of him driving 4 hours in the blizzardly conditions of Erie, PA to visit me. Wes moves to Erie, yah! Mission accomplished. Then, just kidding because I don't want to live in Erie anymore. It's just too cold there. I want to live at the beach. What do you know, Wes wants to live at the beach. We decide to move. Where should we move? How bout the Outer Banks, nah, too boring there in the winter Wes says. I tell Wes to pick a place. He picks Wilmington, I ask if he's been there. Nope, never been. Ok great idea, let's move 14 hours away from our families, with virtually no money, a moving truck, and a new relationship that we started about 9 months prior. Awesome! So we move to Wilmington, after picking it off a map and after losing 100$ to a ghetto apartment complex that we decided not to live in after a little bit of research. That was approximately 4 years ago and so far things are working out! Lately, I really find myself relishing in the fact that we live in such a beautiful state with so much to offer. We can be at the beach in 5 minutes or in the mountains in 5 hours and that's pretty cool. I think loving life more can definitely be attributed to my growing relationship with God. Since we started attending Port City Church my life has become so much more exciting and I am grateful for the things God is doing in my life. Watching Wes develop a stronger relationship with God is even cooler than I could have imagined. We have made some amazing friends through the church and I couldn't be happier. On another note, I am striving to slow myself down and stop making so many impossible to-do lists on a daily basis. I am a bit of a perfectionist at heart which sometimes does not allow me to relax. I'm working on that.

Create good soil

2008-07-23T11:19:00.000-07:00

So after looking at one bazillion facebook pages and trying to figure it out, I realized that a lot of people have blogs. I want a blog! So here it is. I must also add that I was inspired by my kind-hearted, free-spirited, ever so lovely friend, Holly, who also has a blog on here. So here goes. This is my blog and I'm sticking to it.

I want to be cool like that...

2008-07-23T11:11:00.000-07:00

So Wes and I are officially on the baby train. Well, I guess not officially. I guess officially on the baby train would mean that I'm pregnant and I'm not. So let me just put it this way, we're officially on the baby train, but I'm not carrying anything with me. We're just obsessed with babies. Babies are everywhere we go, they're all we think about, all we talk about. It's kind of insane to think that I've spent the majority of my adult life trying to prevent a pregnancy from happening because it wasn't the right time and now I'm obsessing over making it happen. Crazy I tell you. I guess I should consider myself lucky that Wes actually wants a baby and wants one now. I hear stories all the time about women who are just waiting around for the husband to cave in and say, "alright we can have one now," but Wes was actually ready before me! Pretty cool. He'll be a great dad. I mean wait, no, he'll be the best Dad ever. We'll be the coolest parents ever, well at least in our minds, our kids may tell you otherwise someday when they hit that scary part of their life called adolescence.